If I Had Known

Looking at photos of us when we were kids.

It seems like only yesterday,

but it was a lifetime ago.

Things have changed.

We were five now we’re four.

How I long for those days.

When we were all together.

When playing school, all sitting in a row … I’d be the teacher…

Running about the yard playing in a nearby slough looking for tadpoles …

Playing in the dirt ….

Imagining driving to far off places in that old black car, and eating Mom’s homemade french fries and pumpkin pie.

Playing hide and seek and watching Disney on Sundays.

Was what we did, when we were just kids.

Now we’re grown,

Time has past.

If only I had known,

We would be four and not five.

I would have taken your hand.

I would have told you how much I loved you every day.

I would have loved you better.

I would have visited you more often.

I should have tried.

I would have known your pain.

I would have understood.

I would have known your favourite song.

I would have known your favourite colour.

I would have known you better.

Now we’re four and it’s too late

For me to take your hand.

To share your pain, and to comfort you.

I wished that I had knew you better.

Between the pain and the laughter.

You were a man, and I remember the boy

The little boy with a zest for life.

The little boy that always seemed to find a way ….. now that’s our secret….

That irresistible little guy that made me smile.

The little boy with such a big heart.

That much I did know when the boy became the man.

I feel that I let you down, but it is too late

I wished that I knew your favourite song.

Or what you made you cry late at night.

Why the time passed so fast.

Now we’re four instead of five

What did you think?  Your thoughts?

I wished that I knew.

If I had, I had only known  the man, not just the boy.

Written by Carol Yvonne Lewis, January 8th, 2010

Jeff and his sisters at Christmas

Grandpa Jim & All 5 of us ......

Jeff & two of five (Cindy & John)

Jeff and three of five (Carol, Cindy & John)

Jeff and Five of Five (Tyler, Cindy, Carol & John) - 1992

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sister Cindy
    Apr 25, 2011 @ 03:13:52

    That was beautiful … I feel the same way ….

    Reply

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