2021

Good morning All! How are you today? Thursday, I think? The days are running together. There have been a few points when I was oh so tempted to grab my sandals and keys and leave. The front door looks so tempting. Another mixed up semi sleepless night. More on the no sleep than sleep. Reminds me of being a Mom when my daughter was colicky. No sleep. Being alone and caring for another life whether two or four-legged is not easy. Alvin panted for hours on end despite multiple trips outside during the night, rub down with wet cloth and his meds, I could not console him. No one was here to console me and I had an equally miserable night. Unpleasant thoughts took over my mind. It is hard to have continued loving, kind and respectful thoughts when you are so tired you just want to cry or run away. I would never harm Alvin despite being so distraught but I’m sure he could feel the words hit his heart. I’m sorry Alvin.

Tomorrow is one week since his surgery. I pray and hope that things drastically improve soon. Now of course things are way better than last weekend. That first night we camped out on the living room floor and there is no way that I could have got through it without my daughter being here.

It just seems that at times there is nothing I can do to make things better. Alvin is an anxious guy and that anxiety can push over the positive effect that his meds would have on him. I honestly do not know how he functions at all. Not much sleep and being anxious.

On a positive note when we were outside the last time I decided to put in on the love seat blocking any escape. He seemed to enjoy it for a few minutes while I deadheaded some of my flowers as bf gave a drink to others. Those glorious moments did not last but at least I had them.

I am so sorry to be venting but I hope if there are others out there in a similar situation that you will know you are not alone. In the wee hours of the night/morning I am with you and knowing that this too yet shall pass.

There is no way that I could have envisioned this happening and spending literally months sleeping on the sofa. Oh, I would give almost anything to sleep one whole night in my bed upstairs. We have a long way to go and there will be ups and downs such as there is in life. But I know I will get through and Alvin will as well.

Well time for more caffeine. I look forward to walks in time. I pray his knee heals.

Thank you for reading this post and continuing to follow me on this path which is my life.

Fingers crossed when I start back to work and so grateful I can continue to work from home.

Continuing with all my might and a few slip ups to live with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, understanding, love and gratitude.

Always Carol&Alvin

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