The Next Chapter

Morning, not sure if I when I can say “Good Morning” or good really anything. It is light outside. Spring is coming. A time of birth and renewal but for me it feels anything but. My mind just keeps replaying Alvin’s last week over and over and over again. I hold his little Teddy Bear close to my heart and I cover myself with his blue blanket to try and find some comfort but there is no comfort in death. I feel so lost and so alone without him. I wished that I had done so many things differently. Why didn’t I? Where was my brain? I was so stupid that last week. I knew better. I never wanted to hurt my little buddy. I love, loved him so much. There are moments throughout the day when I busy myself with something and then the guilt, the loss, comes tumbling back again and the tears burn my eyes and stain my face. I long to lay beside him and hear his breathing, his little snores. I listen to the videos of him opening gifts, playing with toys and at least for a moment there is some relief. He was happy then.

Tomorrow is back to work. Perhaps that will be a good thing, I have no idea. There is so much going on there and I feel that I passed on all the anxiety that my job has given me over the last days, months and perhaps even years to Alvin. We forget how sensitive they are to our feelings and why are we not the same in return. I do know in my heart that we had many, many good years together and I am reminded of that by family and friends and photos and memories. If I could just forgive myself for the last week or last few days of his life but I do not want to be reprieved from mistakes that I made. How can I when he was depending on me for his very life. He did not ask for much, really only food and love. To be treated with kindness and respect.

I walked over to the Shoppers Drugmart in our neighbourhood to pick up a bus pass for March. A seniors one, that is hard to believe as I will need that for work for a bit before my coworker is back working in the same office as me. Afterwards I went to Save-On, when I picked up some bananas, I could see Alvin in my mind, standing beside me, wanting a little taste of one of his favourite foods on the planet. I only wished that I had, had some bananas in the house that last week. There are so many if’s flying around my brain, slamming into each other. The air was warm on the walk and it would have been a fine time for us to be out and about enjoying the sunshine. I miss my walks with him.

I am going to make some coffee and then try and get some photos moved from my old computer to the external hard drive while I still can. Each day that computer gets another day older. With the age – I am unable to transfer them all at once so a few hundred at a time. Then it will be figuring out which are which after. So much work when technology gets old.

Continuing to try and live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus, possibilities, coffee and I need to add forgiveness although I am not sure if that is in the cards for me.

Always, Carol & Alvin, my forever Angel.

2021

Good Morning ALL! How are you this Monday morning? We are doing well. I will say that we are still working on the sofa arrangement. Why is it when we used to sleep on the bed but would end up on the sofa, we would be comfortable and have a good sleep? I can nap sitting up with my head resting on the soft pillow backing of the sofa but cannot seem to settle down to sleep.
But it is something that I am going to get sorted out over the next several weeks. Making the most of our newly changed life. Which is temporary, yes it is. We had a great sleep last night. Up at 1:00 abouts to go outside for a pee, nope not me but Mr. Alvin and then slept until the alarm went off at 6:30. So happy. Feeling rested.

Yesterday was great. The temperatures were a reprieve from the heat of last week. So grateful that our air conditioning will get serviced on Wednesday and then we can enjoy comfort without having to sit/lay in front of fans.

I am so grateful to to my friends. Gillian picked up my favourite bread: sourdough and stayed for a visit. Most of our visit was enjoyed out on the deck and near the end of our visit we moved into the house as Alvin was getting warm. Poor guy.

Later another friend dropped off bananas and we visited on the front porch.

I am so lucky to have great friends that help, support and feed my soul.

If you are blessed to have good friends, true friends, people that are there in good times and in bad, you are very fortunate. I am fortunate.

Now that we are not able to take our daily walks, I have noticed that when Alvin sees another dog out for a walk, he will stand up on the sofa and stare. Poor guy, I hope that once he has the surgery he will recover quickly so that we can resume our walks. In the meantime we can enjoy the view from the sofa of our tree and our small view of the neighbourhood and our backyard. Thank goodness for flowers, our little patch of grass in the back and our deck. Life is good.

When life sends you lemons you can choose to squeeze them and make lemonade or add the zest to a vanilla cake batter. All I mean is that we can choose how we are going to go forward in any situation. Sometimes things are not easy but as long as we remember that we make the choice as to how we react in every situation. Our reactions are how we survive, how we live and how we are perceived by others.

So today on this musical mystery tour we call life, we will, I will have a great time. I will be kind and respectful of others. Patient and Compassionate with Alvin. Understanding, loving and grateful to myself and to all others.

Always, Carol&Alvin

It is a NEW YEAR.

Well it is Friday, end of the first week back in our old newly renovated office space.

I must say I really like my workspace.

The noise level can sometimes be a major distraction but perhaps in time they will add some paintings or something to the walls to help absorb the sound.

Otherwise so far so good.

Last night we went for a walk but only as far as the park and Alvin turned back (there was no changing his mind).

I found a bit of bile on the main floor; so he definitely had an upset tummy and gas.

I noticed he has had gas for the past couple of days.

So back to only his food, his biscuits from the vet and only small amount of banana and perhaps carrots in the evenings.

No other treats.

I think sometimes it can be too much for the “old” guy.

But this morning all seems well.

I think that excess gas is an age thing.

I will admit that I suffer from “gas attacks” from time to time, okay more often than that.

LOL.

What can I say?

Alvin is resting on his blue blanket beside my computer chair.

He is always in a hurry to lay down on his blanket.

We have a routine.

That routine will be disrupted this weekend as tomorrow the Teddy and his little sister Kobi arrive.

They will be with us until next Saturday when their Aunt J arrives home from Mexico.

I am excited to visit with Aunt J and catch up.

We always have good visits and suppers together.

Tonight my daughter is picking me up from work.

I always cherish our time together.

 

Post from January 25, 2011.

How long is winter?

I had been asking myself that very question up until the past few days.

It feels like spring outside.

The sun is shining …… I can see and hear the snow melting from the roof …… hip hip hooray !!!

It has been so great that Alvin and I have been going out for walks everyday.

Life is always …. BETTER ….. MORE GREAT – when the sun shines and the snow is melting…..

Have a blessed day….

Always, Carol

In January of 2011, I was still a “retired” individual.

Home with Alvin.

A few months later our lives would change again when I went back to work.

For several years I worked two jobs.

Now just one.

 

I was going to post a random day from years ago and found just a short little post with my logo.

Strange how today the weather is similar, almost ten years later.

**********************************

 

Well almost time to head on downstairs.

I hope that you all have an awesome day.

Happy Friday.

Be Kind and Respectful to yourself and spread that to all you meet (all).

 

Always, Carol & Alvin

Thought for the day ….

Good Morning and Welcome to Saturday the 27th day of October, 2018.

Wow, I could have slept longer or at least stayed laying down if Mr. Alvin had not kept at me to get my butt up.

We have been up and down since about 3:00 a.m. hence the reason for me being a sleepy head.

Anyway all is well …. we are both up and the day has started.

I snapped some photos as another beautiful day on the way.

I am happily shocked and surprised that my SNAPDRAGONS are still blooming.

It is almost the end of October, 2018.

WOW.

So I have some photos for you to check out.

The sky looks like an artist’s canvas with streaks of white, yellow, dark blue and grey.

The sun is piercing with it’s brightness.

What a glorious sky.

So beautiful.

A few minutes ago when I snapped the above photos the sky had more pinks and light blues but now is as described above.

Funny how the sky had change in mere minutes.

I am sad that I will be digging up the rest of my flowers but wanted to enjoy them as long as possible.

There should be lots of seed pods for me to pick for spring.

You would never know it is almost the end of October from the above photos other than the scarecrow and a few less flowers in my back yard.

Isn’t life grand.

 

Last night my daughter picked me up after work and we made a trip to COSTCO.

I still have lots of fruits and veggies so I only needed a couple of items.

Bananas and tomatoes.

A staple in our kitchen.

My daughter stayed for supper and I shared some homemade chilli with her.

We had a visit which was pleasantly interrupted by my friend who popped by to grab the chair to fix in his garage.

After she went home I received a phone call from my youngest brother who lives in Calgary.

We had a great chat.

He is starting his own blog and asked for some tips.

 

Well I guess it is getting late here and there is lots to do.

Next weekend on Friday my daughter is sleeping over and we are putting up … wait for it ….

the CHRISTMAS TREE.

I am over the moon excited for that as it always gives me extra energy and makes me smile.

 

Have a great Saturday.

Happy Birthday to one of my friends “S” who celebrates a birthday today.

 

Special Hello to: my brother T …… enjoy blogging.

Always, Carol & Alvin

 

Thought for the day …..

Good Morning and Welcome to Thursday the 11th day of January, 2018.

Another cold BLAST today and tomorrow and warming up on the weekend.

Yesterday while I was waiting for the bus another bus stopped.

Someone on the bus was waving madly at me.

I could not see the person at first as my glasses were frosted over.

Then I saw her, it was my friend who previously had stopped in her car at the stop or close by and given me a ride home.

She parks away from downtown so catches the bus to her car.

So I was lucky and received a ride home.

Much appreciate in this weather.

We even stopped at the grocery store – we were out of bananas and that is almost a tragedy for this household.

I am most grateful for the ride home from my friend.

The night before I waited in the minus thirty temperatures for just over 15 minutes for the bus.

 

Last night I was thinking after I laid down for bed about my day.

This is when I take a look at my day and if I did well, I am pleased with myself and if not, then there is always room to correct the behaviour.

Sometimes in the moment we are quick to judge.

I have found that life is more grey than black & white.

This is something that I am always working on, and that is not to be too quick to judge.

Not that I judge every single soul that I come across in the course of a day, I am not saying that.

But we all have ideas, preconceived notions in our heads that stay with us.

I am working on those.

Some need working on and others are fine the way that they are ….

 

So that is today.

Be easy on ourselves and be easy on others.

We never know what their last conversation was or last thought before our encounter.

So think hard, long and softly before speaking too quickly.

 

Time to leave to catch the bus.

Time to don the layers.

Have to be warm.

Minus 30 something with the windchill.

 

Special Hello to: my friends

Always, Carol & Alvin

 

 

Thought for the day …..

Good Morning and Welcome to Tuesday the 21st day of March, 2017.

It is dark out at this time which is 6:12 a.m. and I can see the moon partially hidden by some clouds.

Our weather is warming up and after today should be plus temperatures for the next couple of weeks.

Unless the forecast changes.

Which happens.

More often than not.

Oh well, it is that time of year and the weather does change frequently.

Actually I think our weather changes all of the time whether spring – summer – fall or winter.

But that is okay.

 

So Tuesday today.

I am going to run to the nearby Save-On at my lunch break today and pick up bananas.

We cannot be out of bananas.

Mr. Alvin simply will not stand for it.

Which is the plain truth.

So I can always use the exercise and I will take a walk at lunch break.

I always want to keep my boy, happy.

A happy boy is a happy momma, I always say.

It is funny I was semi-frantically searching the house this morning for one of my light fold up bags to take shopping.

You know the cloth ones that do not take up half of your purse.

I looked and looked and looked.

Well I had one in plain sight, yes I did.

Hanging on my office door with some of our jewellery bags in it.

So I emptied it into something else and now I have a bag to carry our bananas.

Some days.

 

Well here it is time to leave for work once again.

I hope that you have an awesome day.

Take Care.

 

Special Hello to: my daughter …… thank you, always, thank you.

Always, Carol & Alvin

 

Thought for the day …..

Good Morning and Welcome to Tuesday the 17th day of January, 2017.

Another gorgeous plus temperature day in the hood ….. Edmonton.

We have been loving our walks and it is so nice to be able to get out for a leisurely walk with my boy.

I love looking back and checking on temperatures and what was I doing on this day.

So here is the memory for this day in 2012.

Happy Tuesday Everyone.

……………………………………………………………………………

 

Happy Tuesday, January 17th, 2012 ……

On this “cold” winter’s morn …… I hope that you are toasty warm.

I always get such a kick out of my dog Alvin.

We have this morning ritual.

As I have shared before he now thinks that he is a lap dog.

Which is okay by me.

But anyway back to this morning.

Most mornings when I go to pick him up …. he walks around for a few seconds before letting me pick him up.

This morning he stood still waiting for me.

Then once up on my lap.

He takes a few moments to stand in one spot and look around …..

He usually turns almost all the way around before he settles down in my lap.  Looking about the room.

(He especially took a long hard look at the bowl of bananas sitting in the middle of the table.  LOL.  He loves bananas, and has a bit every morning with me.)

But it is how he does it that is so darn cute.

He very gingerly steps one paw at a time … ever so carefully….

I love my Alvin with all of his little quirks … he always puts a smile upon my face.

Like now he is lying on the hall floor and was looking at me …. then he sighs and turns around.

I sure would love to know what he is thinking…..

But it is all of the little rituals, the things that we share …. that makes our relationship special.

The belly rubs at the top of the stairs each night after his supper ….

Playing fetch …. him dragging me along our walk … (not all of the time….)

Always remember it is the little things that make life great ….

I have a great life and I hope that you have a great one, as well.

Special Hello to: my cousin Janice who continues to inspire me on a daily basis,  and I think of her always …..

Always, Carol

………………………………………………..

Special Hello to: my cousin Janice …. my lifelong friend.

Always, Carol and Alvin

Thought for the day …..

Good Morning and Welcome to Wednesday the 29th day of June, 2016.

Only one more day left in June, 2016.

This morning I am leaving the house 15 minutes earlier than usual due to the interruption in bus service.

Meaning that they removed my bus from the regular schedule.

Hopefully it is only for the summer months.

If I leave at my normal time I wait for 20 minutes at the bus stop and then arrive at work just in time, not late but not early.

I am old school and need to arrive early ….

So with extra time this morning I will stop at the Save-On by work and pick up bananas which we are out of ……

 

I was thinking while in the shower about what I would write on my blog this morning.

My mind went to Alvin.

How our beloved dogs and cats make us feel like a million dollars.

They warm our hearts.

They are food for our soul.

Comforting and loving.

My most favourite times with Alvin are sitting on the patio sofa and he jumps up and lays down beside me and we just sit there.

No expectations.  Nothing to do.  Just be.  Just starring into the air.  Sometimes he is sniffing …. catching the scent of whatever passes his nose.

The other is at bedtime …. he takes a few minutes to get settled.

Always at the end of it all …. he lays down at my side and nestles close.

He always makes me feel loved, wanted and needed.

He brings me joy and contentment.

So much for a little guy.

Well time to fly ….. gotta leave extra early.

I did not quite articulate what I was thinking earlier but I think you get the idea.

Always …. he is at the door to greet me after a long day.

Thank you me Alvin.

 

Special Hello to: all the pups and kitties out there, thank you.

Always, Carol and Alvin

Thought for the day …..

Good Afternoon, today is an overwhelmingly  sad day for our family as our beloved Penny passed away.

We still cannot believe that she is gone, and will her miss her forever.

She had been diagnosed with kidney disease not long ago,  and also had a  known heart murmur.

But this day came all to fast for us.

When our four-legged darlings come into our lives we do not think of that day …. the time when they will no longer be with us.

We love them with all our heart.

 

Penny came into our family quite by accident by one fall back in 2005.

My daughter found her in a small town general store, and fell in love with the bundle of fur … who later was named Penny Lane.

She had a brother later named Parker.

Penny was adopted by my daughter and son-in-law and Parker by one of their friends.

 

She instantly became a sister for Elton whom they had adopted the year before ……

Penny loved to be outside ….. loved go on walks ….. she really loved life.

My kids were the best parents ever to both Penny and to  Elton.

They went on family vacations to the mountains and to the lake.

Penny loved to investigate things wherever she was …..

She loved to EAT ….. I would say that food was her passion.

Bananas were her favourite treat.

I am not sure how she managed it but she would jump up onto a kitchen chair any chance she got ….. just to see what was on the table.

There was the odd time that she managed to get up onto the table …. making for some excitement and laughter.

 

Penny and Elton would come for sleepovers to my house and later on when I adopted Alvin they became the three amigos.

Trouble, trouble and trouble.

But they truly loved each other.

 

She also loved to get into things ….. like kleenex ….. loved to shred it …..

 

Our Penny had no trouble speaking her mind, and that was evident when she would jump up onto the chair by the living room window and announce to us who was going by outside.

 

She was sweet, loving and gentle.

 

I would like to share some photos from over the years…

 

Just TOO Cute……

 

Alvin and Penny …..

 

Ah, my puppies ….. Elton and Penny

Miss Penny, again she is quite the model….

Amanda, Steven and Miss Penny ….

 

Ah, Miss Penny a few years back

Baby Penny…

Alvin getting to know his “new” family…. ( the first night we met Alvin).

Elton and Penny, the grand-puppies.

Miss Penny

 

Wake up Dad.

Relaxing at Grandma’s house.

Alvin and Penny enjoying summer.

Christmas 2015 at my new house …. Penny

 

There was love …… there is always love.

Rest in Peace our darling Penny.

Love Grandma and Alvin

 

Thought for the day …..

Good Morning and Welcome to Saturday the 16th day of January, 2016.

BRR, it is mighty cold outside.

Supposed to be minus 25 celsius today and that does not include the windchill.

I was going to give Alvin a trim and then he would have to have a bath but am thinking it might have to wait until next weekend.

Will have to check his nails as paws must be trimmed before the pedicure.

My boy has to be in tip top shape.

 

I just noticed Mr. Alvin was laying outside the office with something between his paws ….. ah, shucks he had one of my socks.

Jumped up and grabbed the sock before it has a hole chewed in it ….. he pulled it out of the laundry basket.

What a guy.

So I blocked the basket with another until I finish this and we go downstairs to start the day.

This morning I found it difficult to get my butt out of bed.

Could be because I have the minus twenty something in my head and just wanted to stay tucked up warm as a bug in a rug.

We were up twice earlier for Mr. Alvin ….. breakfast and then couple of hours later he had to go outside again.

Anyway we are now up ….. bed has been made …… clothes gathered up for laundry …… washed and groomed (eyebrows on), dressed and it is almost 9:30 a.m.

Mid morning …. late morning I guess.

Oh well …… most of my things today were not time sensitive ….. the laundry does not care what time it gets done ….. the bathrooms do not care what time they get cleaned.

So it is okay ….. I always feel bad when I get up late …..

Okay I am finished moaning and groaning.

It is a lovely day …… just doing some things around the house ….. perhaps run to the store ….my neighbour said I could borrow her car.

It would be a cold walk and the bananas would be frozen by the time I got home.

 

Well I hope that you have a great Saturday …. don’t hit yourself over the head if you decide to stay in bed a bit longer …. it is Saturday.

If it is your day off …. the laundry can be started at noon and the toilet can be cleaned in the afternoon ….. right.

 

Special Hello to: my friends and family all around the world.

Always, Carol and Alvin