Good Morning. Nothing feels real this morning as I had set the alarm to get up at a certain time so that I could have a shower and get ready for work. Yes, back to the office. I am a little nervous and I am not sure why. So much has been changing over the last two weeks including my personal circumstances with the loss of my beloved Alvin. My life has been turned upside down the past couple of months. Where does one go from here/from there? I am trying to take one day at a time. Alvin has always been in here in the morning except when he visited at his sister’s house or for those handful of times that I was away. He wasn’t sitting on the mat in the bathroom with his back to me while I showered. I did not wake up on the sofa. I no longer have middle of the night trips outside with him. I miss him and everything little thing about him. I ate a banana yesterday morning and I felt guilty as that was his most favourite food ever. Everything in the house reminds me of him. I never want to forget him and what he brought to my life. The joy, laughter and most of all the love. In the early days of going back to work when he was much younger, I remember having to leave him. Making sure he went outside for a pee and maybe even a poop at the last minute before heading out. Ensuring his water dish was filled with clean cool water. Leaving the television on for company until it went into sleep mode. Telling him that I loved him and would see him later after work. The best thing to come out of the Pandemic for me was that for 2.5 years I was able to work from home almost everyday and be with him. I think we would both admit that sometimes we did get on each other’s nerves (trying to smile here). I always said that we were just like an old married couple. But all in all, it was the best time of my life as I was here for him. If he needed to go to the vet right away, I was able to take him. He would lay on one of his beds in the kitchen not far away from my “workspace.” When I had a late breakfast, he would sit beside me on the sofa and I would give him a treat and if I had a banana, we shared that precious fruit. Walks, oh how we loved out walks. Most days if the weather was favourable, we would head out at my lunch break and then again after work. On those days when the weather was hot, we would head out before I started work and then sometimes again after supper if it had cooled down. I loved how he would be with me wherever I was in the house. Since his last surgery on his knee in July of 2021, I seldom allowed him to follow me into the basement, just too many stairs. Sometimes I would just carry him when I was going down for longer than a couple of minutes. When I carried the laundry basket downstairs, he knew what I was doing and would wait patiently near the basement door. Oh, what a guy he was!
Well I suppose I should head downstairs and finish getting ready to leave for work. I am grateful that I have a ride with my coworker to the office. I am also grateful that she will be joining me when we move to the site office. She is changing jobs. There will be a few days, perhaps one week where she will be in training so I will catch the bus. Get this a Senior’s bus pass is $35.00 for one month which is cheaper than buying bus tickets for the week.
My daughter has a dental appointment after work nearby so she will be spending the night. I look forward to seeing her.
Trying to live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus, possibilities, coffee and forgiveness.
Always, Carol & Alvin, my forever Angel.
My New Life @ 51 