The Next Chapter

Good Morning and Happy Easter 2023. Day three of four day long weekend for me. How are you on this Sunday? Do you have plans to go somewhere or perhaps you are somewhere? Is someone cooking an Easter feast? Company or just for You? Or perhaps you are like me and just spending the weekend doing spring cleaning. The weekend did not start out the way that I had planned or has it continued the way the I was hoping that it would but it is unfurling as it should. All things happen for a reason. The upstairs washing of the walls, blinds, fans, light fixtures and all of that is taking a bit longer than planned. Yesterday I completed my bathroom and bedroom and I did empty the office closet. There was also a load of laundry down in between. Today the plan is to wash the office closet and reorganize, also wash as much of the office walls as I am able to – reason is I have the wall size bulletin boards hanging up and if I take them down, they will be ruined as they are not hanging on hooks. I also would like to take down all of the items on the boards and put up some new things. There are Christmas Cards and others to go through. Books to decide on what to keep. This is the room where it is more going through things than actually cleaning. Although one could say that going through things is cleaning of sorts. Just not with a bucket of water, lol. Anyway, I will finish off the upstairs today. I am making Chili in my handy dandy Tupperware pressure cooker. I realize that I have far too many “things” for one person and I am going to go through each room and be “frugal” on what I keep. I keep things based on emotions. Like keeping cards. I used to have every card that ever was given to me since an adult until in the 1990’s and then I downsized to a couple of storage containers. Christmases, Birthdays, Thank you and on and on. Life. Movie tickets. Concert tickets. You see what I mean. Time to get tough. Keeping a few things only will be hard but must be done. Another sunny day ahead.

Yesterday was a tough day emotionally for me thinking of my Alvin. He would have been trying to find a place to lay down to be near me as I cleaned. We would have gone for a walk as it was so beautiful out. I just miss him. So many memories…….

Happy Easter Everyone!

Photo by George Dolgikh on Pexels.com

Photo by Tim Gouw on Pexels.com

Photo by PhotoMIX Company on Pexels.com

I just spent a few minutes trying to upload some photos from my photo library to this post with no luck. Time to get going as I have a full day ahead of me and it is already after 8:30 a.m.

I hope that the Easter Bunny made it to your home with some chocolatey treats and maybe a new outfit or something that you need.

Have a wonderful Easter Sunday.

I look forward to taking a walk down memory lane in between washing and cleaning!

Continuing to live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus, possibilities, coffee and forgiveness.

Always, Carol & Alvin (My Forever Angel).

The New Chapter

Good Morning. Monday morning and the official first day of SPRING. Oh, how I long for dry ice free sidewalks and streets. A reminder of life.

Today is also the birthday of Alvin’s Best Friend Teddy. He reminds me of Alvin. They were truly best friends and on our last walk, Alvin wanted to go to see his friend. Wishing our Teddy a very Happy 10th Birthday.

Teddy, Alvin’s Best Friend

BFs together

BF Teddy

BF Teddy

The boys

Alvin & his BF Teddy

Yesterday I wrote this poem about saying goodbye. This post is reflective of how I am feeling both joy and overwhelming sadness.

Saying Goodbye!

No one knows what is coming

There is no way to prepare for that moment

We all know in our hearts that life does not last forever

But we are never prepared !

When that day comes

The blueness and emptiness we feel in our hearts

Weighs down our spirit

The loss is unbearable

The guilt weighs heavily on us.

Nothing will ever be the same again,

More change, how much can a heart take!

The pieces smashing down upon the floor.

Breaking everywhere.

Photos and videos remind us of what was

What will never be again

Life goes on, it must.

We cry at night and weep behind closed doors.

But the memories bring us up

Hard as it is,

Tears will fall, they will dry.

But the memories will remain.

Stories of who they were,

The start and the end and every moment in between.

How they touched our hearts

How they brought so much to our life

How we will remember.

How they reached our soul, in epic proportion.

How they brought so much joy.

The laughter and the tears.

How each memory will be carried in our hearts and minds forever,

For an eternity ……. they will live on ……..

Written by CYLewis on Sunday, March 19, 2023.

My heart is broken with the loss of my beloved Alvin.

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Remember to tell your village, your family, your friends that you love them, that you care and always do whatever you can to be present in their lives. We never know when things will change.

Continuing to live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus, possibilities, coffee and forgiveness.

Always, Carol & Alvin (My Forever Angel)

The Next Chapter

Good Morning. How are you this morning? I am okay. I tossed and turned a lot, thinking of a certain someone. Oh, how I miss my Alvin. Seems like it has been forever since he snuggled beside me on the sofa and in bed and that we walked together. Whenever I walk now it feels like something is missing. Someone is missing. I miss you Buddy.

I am feeling better this morning compared to yesterday morning. Off to work I go today.

The time change always seems to wreak havoc with my sleep patterns and those of so many. I remember it taking Alvin a good couple of weeks to get back in our routine after the time changed. So in time, (lol), I will be back to normal, whatever the heck that may be. At this point, my life is anything but normal. Everything seems to be changing or at least it feels like it. I guess with Alvin passing and the changes at work, that is enough to throw even the most positive feeling person into a tailspin. Spinning is where I am at …… just hope that it stops soon. I am trying.

My daughter launched a book (journal type for writing) on Amazon which is pretty cool. Her artwork as always is beautiful. She is so talented. Wishing her all the best in this endeavour.

Well this is going to be short. I had some technical difficulties. You see with this new computer not only are the mouse and keyboard wireless they are battery “less” as well. You have to charge them. I found that out the hard way.

Have a good day.

Continuing to live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus, possibilities, coffee and forgiveness.

Forgiveness is my word for the day. It is likely one of the hardest things to do. Especially when it is to yourself.

Always, Carol & Alvin (my forever Angel).

The Next Chapter

Good Morning! The sky is overcast this morning and we had a light dusting of snow overnight or early this morning, I am not quite certain. It all seems so surreal as I am no longer turning on the bedroom light, grabbing some sock, my phone and then picking up Alvin to carry him downstairs where I would grab my coat and boots which were at the back door and then head outside with him. Once we were done outside then back into the house where I would wipe off his paws and then of course, off with the coat and boots and then head to the sofa for more sleep. Sometimes the boots would come off first and then wipe his paws, depends if he got away on me. It was our routine for many years. So between the two seniors we usually were up a minimum of twice per night but only once did we head downstairs. Now when I get up during the night if I do, I walk to the bathroom in the dark and back to bed in the dark. I know the path quite well. Now when get up during the work week, I get ready first and write this post before heading downstairs. Really feels strange. The first time I open the blinds is when I go downstairs. No longer am I snuggling up to Mr. Alvin under our red blanket on the sofa. The last time I slept on the sofa was with Alvin. I expect to see him when I wake up beside me and keep checking for him when I come upstairs and always when I sit on the sofa as he would always be right beside me. We were/are creatures of habit and routine. We had a routine for many years. Every time that I eat a banana or some food that he loved, I apologize to him as I feel guilty that I am eating and he is not. Our lives are complicated and in death even more so. Our relationships are our feelings with each other. My best buddy is gone and unfortunately there is no amount of missing him, loving him or guilt that will return him to me and I have to learn to live with this change. Yes, change. We are always having to live with things being different. Sometimes our lives are different each and every day and as humans we are not equipped so much with dealing with change as we are creatures mainly set up for routine and habit.

Yesterday a friend reached out in the morning while I was having some coffee to see if she could stop by and drop off something for me. I was only having coffee anyway so I invited her to come for coffee and we ended up visiting for well over two hours. We had a good chat. There were tears and hugs and gentle reminders. My friend Jami gave me a “wooden rainbow bridge with both human and dog figures” so beautiful. I had never seen one before and it is so beautiful. Another thoughtful and kind gesture. I am reminded by just how much Alvin was loved and I guess me, too. So on those days when I feel lonely and the house feels empty without him by myself, I will think of all the love that has and will continue to surround me and Alvin. I am so glad that I have his ashes back home. He still follows me around the house. Well only during the day and at night. He has a special place where he can look out the window during the day and at night he watches over me from my beside the bed. I want to keep him safe and do not wish any accidents. After Jami left, my friend Gillian picked me up for a trip to Costco and then to Save-On for groceries. I so appreciate my friends. She always makes me smile. Shopping is a welcome distraction from the every day. Once back home, we chatted for awhile before she left and I put all of the groceries away. It was way later than I thought by that time so I spent about one hour copying and pasting photos from the old computer to the external hard drive. It is quite the exercise but it needs to be done and I will spend some time today working on the photos as well.

Supper is always strange for me. I think that is when I feel the most as food was Alvin’s thing. He was a foodie and loved to eat and loved to sit beside me on the sofa and watch me, hoping that he could have a little something. For a long time he was able to have some vegetables and fruit so I always ate raw vegetables with my supper and shared a bit with him. It was our routine and it made both of us so happy. Now, there is no paw being raised and no beautiful brown eyes starring at me waiting for me to give him a piece of a carrot or broccoli or cauliflower or whatever …… that makes me sad. Yes, he had manners. I always have thought that having manners was so important to have whether you were human or a pup for that matter. I taught him how to raise his paw which was our “ask nice.” Oh, how I miss him.

Last night two sister friends of mine whose parents live in the neighbourhood came to pay their respects. They brought with them, their little dog named Rio. Rio and Alvin were friends. He sniffed around the house looking for Alvin. Rio turned 11 in December. Susana and Malena gave me a beautiful frame with a charm memento attached and a most thoughtful card. We drank tea and we girls chatted.

I am so grateful to live in this amazing neighbourhood where we support each other. So many wonderful friends. I am truly blessed. Today our friend Alyaa is stopping by for tea. She looked after Alvin most of the time when I returned to the office three times each week starting in October. She truly loved Alvin. She will be coming later this afternoon.

Well I had better head downstairs and put on the coffee. While the coffee is perking, I will grab the laundry that is drying in the basement and then put it away. Once the coffee is ready, I will start working on the photos. I still have several thousands to move and I want to get them done as soon as possible. I must remember to leave my phone and volume turned on as some friends mentioned about calling/texting today.

As I look out of the office window, I see that it is now snowing.

Continuing to live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus, possibilities, coffee and forgiveness.

Always, Carol & Alvin (my forever Angel)

The Next Chapter

Morning, not sure if I when I can say “Good Morning” or good really anything. It is light outside. Spring is coming. A time of birth and renewal but for me it feels anything but. My mind just keeps replaying Alvin’s last week over and over and over again. I hold his little Teddy Bear close to my heart and I cover myself with his blue blanket to try and find some comfort but there is no comfort in death. I feel so lost and so alone without him. I wished that I had done so many things differently. Why didn’t I? Where was my brain? I was so stupid that last week. I knew better. I never wanted to hurt my little buddy. I love, loved him so much. There are moments throughout the day when I busy myself with something and then the guilt, the loss, comes tumbling back again and the tears burn my eyes and stain my face. I long to lay beside him and hear his breathing, his little snores. I listen to the videos of him opening gifts, playing with toys and at least for a moment there is some relief. He was happy then.

Tomorrow is back to work. Perhaps that will be a good thing, I have no idea. There is so much going on there and I feel that I passed on all the anxiety that my job has given me over the last days, months and perhaps even years to Alvin. We forget how sensitive they are to our feelings and why are we not the same in return. I do know in my heart that we had many, many good years together and I am reminded of that by family and friends and photos and memories. If I could just forgive myself for the last week or last few days of his life but I do not want to be reprieved from mistakes that I made. How can I when he was depending on me for his very life. He did not ask for much, really only food and love. To be treated with kindness and respect.

I walked over to the Shoppers Drugmart in our neighbourhood to pick up a bus pass for March. A seniors one, that is hard to believe as I will need that for work for a bit before my coworker is back working in the same office as me. Afterwards I went to Save-On, when I picked up some bananas, I could see Alvin in my mind, standing beside me, wanting a little taste of one of his favourite foods on the planet. I only wished that I had, had some bananas in the house that last week. There are so many if’s flying around my brain, slamming into each other. The air was warm on the walk and it would have been a fine time for us to be out and about enjoying the sunshine. I miss my walks with him.

I am going to make some coffee and then try and get some photos moved from my old computer to the external hard drive while I still can. Each day that computer gets another day older. With the age – I am unable to transfer them all at once so a few hundred at a time. Then it will be figuring out which are which after. So much work when technology gets old.

Continuing to try and live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus, possibilities, coffee and I need to add forgiveness although I am not sure if that is in the cards for me.

Always, Carol & Alvin, my forever Angel.

A New YEAR 2023

Good Morning ALL! The sun is shining and right beside me on my old computer is my daughter Amanda. She is helping me to move my 42,000 + photos from the old computer to the external hard drive. Technology is great if it is all current but when you have some old components, not so much. This process is going to take us a long time but hopefully not to long as the on-line service that I am paying for to back up my computer keeps asking why I have not backed up my computer in the last month. Well I got a new computer and have not removed the old one yet because of all of this. WHEW. Anyway that is what is going on in our household this morning. Mr. Alvin is patiently waiting for us to be done and I am trying to hurry as I have my friend Signe’s Happy Birthday party at 11:00 a.m. Thank goodness that Gillian, the host lives close by.

Yesterday I took Mr. Alvin for a walk at my lunch break as I ended up working from home. It was so nice out that I literally could have kept walking but Alvin decided when it was time to turn around and come home. It was our first walk together in some weeks. I am so grateful for this warmer weather which means we will be out walking.

I hear Mr. Alvin groaning in the hallway and I have to take him outside before I leave so will need to cut this short. To my sister if you should be reading this, I will be calling you tonight or tomorrow.

Continuing to live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus, possibilities and coffee.

Always, Carol & Alvin

Last Days 2022 – December 29th

Good Morning ALL! How are you this morning? I would say that I am okay, we are okay. Not sure why but Mr. Alvin was up basically every two hours last night. He did have to pee when we first were up at 12:30, then at 2:30 (just up), then 3:00 (gave him his glucosamine chew), then I don’t remember if it was 4:00 or 5:00 then it was 6:15; needless to say we were not up to stay up until 9:15 a.m. I hope that we get our schedule worked out before next week. Working with such disruptive sleep is not much fun and I can say that from experience. Fingers crossed.

We had a quiet day. My daughter ordered a new iMac from Costco for me. It is to be delivered on next Tuesday. I also placed an order to Ricki’s for some new items. There is no way on this planet that I would pay their ticketed prices so with a massive sale; it was the perfect time to pick up a few things. I am very excited to have a new computer. This computer has served me well. She has been here with me for the past 13 years, I purchased her the summer after I moved to Edmonton. The poor girl is no longer able to take updates but that is okay. She is able to do what I need for the most part. A new computer is a huge deal. This will be my third iMac or is it the 4th? Oh my, now I am not sure. I do think it is the third one though. LOL.

Alvin and I went for a short walk yesterday. I had planned to walk at least to the park but not Alvin. So grateful for this nice weather. There appears to be clear skies developing on the horizon. Sunshine would be wonderful as it has been cloudy here for the past few days. I did some shovelling yesterday. Yes, I also went and paid for my eyeglasses and they should be here in a couple of weeks which is about the same time as I go back for another eye pressure test. Hopefully it has gone back to normal. I was reading that coffee is not good for high eye pressure. I also went to Shoppers and cashed in my “winning” lotto tickets/scratch tickets from Christmas for the grand total of $44.00 and a freeplay on the Lotto 649. YAY, me.

In a little while, I will give Mr. Alvin a haircut and bath.

Christmas Eve 2022 hanging out with Alvin, Aspen and Mi-Mi (aren’t they adorable). Alvin was snooping under the tree looking for his gifts to open.

Alvin looking for his presents

I will post more Christmas photos tomorrow.

We hope that you have a great Thursday. Tonight, I am invited to a neighbours home for a visit.

Fingers crossed that Alvin’s haircut goes well.

Continuing to live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus, possibilities and coffee.

Always, Carol & Alvin

Last Half 2022 – November

Good Morning ALL! I hope that this finds you doing very well. Both Alvin and I are doing great. I happy over the moon excited for this weekend. I will be writing up Christmas cards and letters. Laundry as always. Must remember to pop Mr. Alvin’s sweater into the laundry. Maybe he needs another one! Christmas present idea, lol. The sun is shining but there are a few clouds. No wind. I think it might be worth going for a walk this morning. The sidewalks out front look dry. I need to go and remove the snow that I tossed onto my sidewalk from the grass back onto the grass. There was a need a few days ago to have a safe place to walk for both me and Mr. Alvin. Now that time has passed so remove the snow so it will dry off. I placed a Mary Kay order last night as I had a few people wanting a few items for themselves and for Christmas gifts. I have other things on my list. The main focus is the Christmas cards as I would really like to get all the ones that need to be mailed outside of Canada and outside my realm of hand delivery posted right away. I have the cards and stamps so I just need to address them and write some notes/letters. My favourite part is writing the letters. I love to receive cards and letters although it seems to be going in the direction of the dinosaurs. Too bad! I will continue until I am not physically able to write / print. It is a tradition that I love so much.

I should also post some photos of my redecorated tree. Yes, I will. Hopefully sooner than later.

Last night after work I came home with my carpool as we agreed, my daughter and I that is that perhaps a visit was not in the cards last night. She had things to do and the weather was not looking great but ended up okay. Alvin and I were going to head out for a walk when I saw a text from Cookie’s Dad asking if she could come and spend a few hours with us. Of course, I said “YES.” I am so grateful to them for taking such great care of Mr. Alvin since I have returned to work three days per week. My fingers are crossed that perhaps that will be reduced to two days each week or even one. Our moral at work between the return to work and changes (always changes) is at an all time low. Very sad. Anyway, we had a great time with Cookie who for the most part watched out the living room window from the arm of the big chair. I guess watching for her family. Perhaps she was thinking of last year when she ended up with us for two weeks while her family went to Disneyland. Poor little girl. She did run around the house stopping to give me some love. She is so adorable. She likes to get Alvin going which is not necessarily a bad thing. They do well together. I have decided it may be a good idea for Alvin to spend some time with his sister, brother-in-law, Aspen and Milo when I have the office Christmas party. It may be too much for him. If it were one or two or even three people that is one thing but looks like will be over 10. Plus I will be able to concentrate on the company and having a good time without having to worry and care for him. Win, win. He needs some time with them for sure. They love him so much and as he is getting older, I am not sure how many more road trips he will be able to tolerate. He doesn’t like car rides as it is.

Time to fly. Lots to do. I need COFFEE, too.

Have a awesome Saturday.

Continuing to live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus, possibilities and coffee.

Always, Carol & Alvin

PS: another item on the list is to wrap gifts. Oh, I cannot wait until I am able to get the new computer. Hopefully soon.

Last Half 2022 – October

Good Morning ALL! We are doing great on this Saturday morning. Sleep was good. The sky is partially clear with cloudy patches. I was looking at the photos that are coming up on the wallpaper and screensaver displays. Memories so many memories. Photos of my brothers and sister, my nephews, my daughter and son-in-law, grandpups and so many more. I would like to take the time to look through all $40,000 + photos on my computer as I have no idea anymore what has been kept or not. I started to go through them a few times to delete duplicates and bad shots but then I stopped doing it for one reason or another. Life mainly. Another project that I need to get on. I would like to buy a new computer in the not too distant future as this poor old girl (my iMac) has not taken updates for quite some time. I purchased her brand new from the Apple Store at West Edmonton Mall back in 2009. So she does not owe me anything and she has been quite good. I have done a bit of research and it would seem that anything at a decent price is a model that in a short time will not take updates. So I have been waiting and reading and trying to figure things out. I certainly do not wish to spend hundreds/thousands of dollars on something that will not last. Now if I could get 10-15 years with no issues that would be great. Also should I got with a portable model instead? So many questions and things to consider. More research is needed.

We received a text from our friend Iris yesterday advising that they were in the city to take in a family event and was wondering if we could get together and I said “YES” as we miss our friends so much. Alvin is going to be so excited to see his best friend Teddy and of course Miss Kobi. They are coming for a visit at 11:00 a.m. this morning. We, I slept in a bit later so will have to get this show on the road as it is going onto 9:30. This weekend I would like to put away the patio furniture and bring some things in from the garage, there are plants to tend to as I have them everywhere, up and down and all around. There are some flowers that are blooming and that brings joy to my heart. Always good to have plants in the house. I want to wash the blinds and there are 10 in all over two floors in the house. The usual laundry, dusting and cleaning floors. I will leave the oven cleaning until next weekend as I will likely run out of time this weekend.

I am happy that it is the weekend and that I am home with Mr. Alvin. We had a shorter walk last night after work but still some exercise. Some is better than none. I am grateful to my friend and neighbour Alyaa for taking such great care of Mr. Alvin while I am at work.

Have an awesome weekend. Enjoy the weather and each other.

Keep the positive energy flowing.

Continuing to live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus, possibilities and coffee.

Yes, coffee will be good this morning. I must grind more beans.

Always, Carol & Alvin

Last Half 2022 – September

Good Morning ALL! How are you this Monday morning? We are back to normal. Yesterday after we went downstairs in the morning, after the blog was written, Mr. Alvin started to shake and pant. This continued for most of the day. He did not even rush or bark for his food. At his breakfast he ate it with no problem. That was at 6:00 a.m. It was about 10:00 a.m. that our day changed. Out of the blue. It was so odd. I am not sure if it was a combination of the heat from the day, perhaps the arthritis in his legs/paws, I do not know. But I am over the moon happy that this morning he was right in there to eat his breakfast. He has one more day of antibiotics remaining. Fingers crossed and prayers going out that he remains in good health. We were up at 1:21 a.m. and then again at 3:00 a.m. but at that time we were sleeping on the sofa, so I managed to coax him to lay back down which he did after having a drink of water. My boy.

The moon has been full for the past few days. So big and bright in the morning and night sky. We will head out for a walk in a little bit. Tomorrow is back to the office for another day. I have been thinking about how much our work/life balance is going to change with the return to the office. Back to heading off to bed between 8:30-9:00 a.m. and up to stay at 5:00 a.m. AND returning home around 5:30 a.m. I am so grateful that I had these extra precious hours and days at home with Alvin for the past almost three years. Also just to be home and enjoying my home as well. Another new norm is rising. Are we up for yet another “new?” Not sure but for now it will be.

Life is so interesting when you sit back and look back all all the years and everything that has happened. Most of us “find ourselves doing something new” each and every day of our lives. Some folks seem to hunker down and stay unchanged for most of their days. Perhaps it is all in the mindset. Our thoughts become things. I must practise this more. I do find that my thoughts are not consistent about the things that I want and that is due in part to the life beat going on around me. Pretty hard to say that you love working from home and then have to return to work the next week. Still have to make plans for Alvin’s care and getting ready for work each day. I do struggle with this. How can I have my “thoughts become things” when my life is upside down or feels like it anyway? Hopefully I will figure it out soon. Also our actions play a role as well. They go hand in hand!

I miss the early morning sunrises and the late sunsets.

It would be wonderful to wake up in the morning and just be retired, with no mortgage, lots of money to live on comfortably and be home permanently with Mr. Alvin. That is my dream. Wake up on our own timetable. I think Mr. Alvin would have us up early for his breakfast but then we could head back to bed to wake up when my body wanted me to get up. That would be wonderful. We could walk anytime. We could stay up late or go to bed early. We could do whatever we wanted to do during the day. I could work in the garden in the mornings when it was hot. I would have all day to write, to scan photos, to go through all of the photos on my computer, to do so much. Just like a never ending vacation. That is my dream. Everyday would be a new adventure!

I hope that you have a wonderful day.

We are going to head out for a walk.

Dream, dream, dream. Thank you. I am grateful for my dreams.

Continuing to live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus, possibilities and coffee.

Always, Carol & Alvin