Chapter Five:
December 1, 2013
As we lay there sleeping wrapped in the big white fluffy blankets, I dream of childhood and Christmas; my favourite time of year, and there was one in particular.
December 2, 2013
When we moved into the new two story house on the farm my bedroom was on the main floor just off of the living room ……. I had a birds eye view of the Christmas tree …. this one year I wanted to wait and watch for Santa ….. pretending to be asleep …. once I heard noises figuring it was Santa I waited for him to leave …… slowly opened the bedroom door and getting down on my hands and knees crawled out toward the tree ….. only to be stopped dead in my tracks by my Mom’s voice “GET BACK TO BED” ….. I had been so quiet ……
December 3, 2013
My favourite Christmas was 2005 ….. the log cabin in the mountains …. the clear night sky …… the stars shining so brightly …… the food …… the stone fireplace ….. love and laughter ….. feather comforters …… coffee by the fireplace ….. the best place in the world.
December 4, 2013
Kids singing Christmas Carols …… Grandma playing the organ in church ….. our Charlie Brown Christmas tree …… turkey cooking at Grandma’s house ….. snow falling …… baby crying …… sister smiling …… dog barking ….. opening presents . driving to Grandma and Grandpa’s house ….. the trees out front of their house all light up ….. it is Christmas once again.
December 5, 2013
Oh, how I feel alive and happy …… as each scene plays out ….. there is another one just as wonderful as the last …… people and places ……. my heart is full ……
December 6, 2013
Ah, my great nephew, I remember that day so well …… then skipping years ahead to when Alvin came to live with me …… this movie just seems to go on forever …. I wonder when it will end ….. movie, is it?
December 7, 2013
Movie, what …. am I dreaming …… asleep …… awake …… in a coma …… my mind is swirling and then before me is a crystal clear thought ….. YOU ARE REMEMBERING YOUR LIFE …..
December 8, 2013
Truly I am going crazy, please someone help me wake up from this wild dream …. HELP ME, HELP Me …….
December 9, 2013
This whole ordeal has seemed to go on forever ….. I do not know what to do ….. just when I think that I may have an answer ……. it all comes tumbling down …… such as life, I guess but why now ……. or did I just bump my head!
December 10, 2013
“Did I bump my head?” I think to myself as Alvin snuggles in closer to me as if to comfort me in my time of uncertainty.
December 11, 2013
As I lay under the warmest most comfortable blanket ever, I begin to devise a plan – I will get home – somehow – someday I will escape and be free.
December 12, 2013
Home, what a wonderful thought ….. I realize how much I miss my house, the flowers in my yard, my Christmas tree ……. whoa ….. what did I think ….. was it spring, was it summer or winter when this first happened and I realize maybe now for the first time that I have literally no idea how long we have been gone ….. a day, a month, years!!!
December 13, 2013
All of a sudden I hear this small gurgling slightly roaring sound coming from my stomach ….. guess it has been awhile since I ate anything …… Alvin, too must be starving ….. suddenly a banana, some fresh carrots, a piece of chocolate cake, and a cup of coffee are sitting on a table in front of us….a FEAST.
December 14, 2013
Well no matter if this is real or a figment of my imagination … we are going to eat ….. mmm, as I peel the banana Alvin goes crazy as he absolutely loves banana ….. carrots …. we love carrots and for me my favourite habit …. COFFEE.
December 15, 2013
Yes, hot coffee …. it warms my throat as I quickly take a sip and trying to hold onto the taste reminding me of home …. Alvin is happy as we finish the last bite of banana and continues crunching away on the carrots and for this time we have no worries.
December 16, 2013
As we enjoy our treats I cannot help but to think of home ….. what are my friends and family doing ….. who is looking after our house ….. is there snow to shovel or grass to mow … I do not even know what time of year it is ….. oh …..
December 17, 2013
I just feel like crying even though Alvin is here I am all alone …. no one to discuss things with ….. no shoulder to cry on ….. as the tears well up in my eyes the feelings just explode inside my body, and my heart hurts …. where are they ….. please let us come home …. I just want to go home…… please, help us find our way home……..
December 18, 2013
Through the tears and the feelings of being alone, the despair, and, of not knowing which direction to turn, whether to shout or to continue to cry ….. I feel that warmth once again, and a light although dim begins to shine on me.
December 19, 2013
For a few moments I am lost in the glow …… there is music playing ….. could it be ….. sounds like Celine Dion ….. oh, how I love her ….. saw her in concert once, and she was AMAZING …… I am drifting away in bliss.
December 20, 2013
How many days has it been, I lost track after 83 ……. there are such blissful moments, and then such ones that trouble me greatly …… I just wish that someone would tell me what to do, please …….
December 21, 2013
It would seem that this time there are no family members showing up ….. no voices in my head other than my own ……. no Christmas trees ….. no flowers ……. the food has been eaten ….. the music has stopped, the bed is gone and where is ALVIN?
December 22, 2013
It seems darker now ….. where is that light ……. I can feel Alvin’s body snuggling up to mine and I am so grateful to have him with me ……
December 23, 2013
My eyes are wide open or so it would seem but I cannot see anything ….. how can we be enjoying food and drink and that big comfy bed and now it is all gone …… have I lost my mind, and then once again I hear voices but where are they coming from?
December 24, 2013
I seem to keep coming up with the same story over and over again ….. walking along ….. family appearing ……. cold …… hot ….. comfy bed …… fireplace …… Christmas ….. summer …. winter …. there has to be some correlation …. something that ties this altogether, and can bring me and Alvin home….
My New Life @ 51 