The Next Chapter

Morning, this morning is two weeks since I said goodbye to my precious Alvin. I sat cradling his urn for awhile this morning because it is the closest that I can get to him. This is hard to do. I miss him so much. My heart hurts and I feel empty inside, the house feels empty without him. I can walk through the motions of what I need to do everyday but honestly my life sucks so much right now. He was my everything. Nothing will ever be the same again. He was my joy, my sorrow, my laughter, my breath, my company, my heart. I wish so hard that I could hear his little paws as he walked across the floor. I wish so hard that I could have him next to me again at bedtime. I wish so hard to sleep beside him on the sofa when he would move around until he had his head next to mine on the pillow. I wish so hard for things to have been different for him and that he could have been here with me longer. I miss him so much. There are no words to express how I am feeling at this moment. This is hard to do. The tears staining my face as they fall. The sun is shining which is good because two weeks ago it was dreary. There is a bit of a breeze. I held his urn close to my heart as I sat on the bench at the foot of my bed and starred out the window. That was one of his happy places to be sitting on the end of the bed looking out of the window at his world, our neighbourhood. I know that he would miss this. I remember years ago when I worked away from home pre Pandemic and when I would arrive home and open the door and he was not there to greet me. There would be a thud from upstairs and that would be Alvin jumping off the bed and then he would run down the stairs to greet me. First thing we would do as run to the back door so that he could go to the grass and pee. I cannot imagine having to hold that all day long but he did. They all do and that makes me sad. Poor babies. My poor Alvin. Then he was hungry and wanted to eat. So I would give him his supper and then we would go for a walk (weather permitting). Oh, how I miss those days. My life will never be the same that is for certain. He left a huge impression on my life and in my heart and for that I am truly thankful. Love you my buddy, my darling Alvin. Always and Forever……..

Today I am struggling as I live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus, possibilities, coffee and forgiveness.

Always, Carol & Alvin (my forever Angel).

Second Half of the NEW YEAR

Good Morning and Welcome to Wednesday, September 2, 2020.

Raining through the night and earlier this morning but has stopped now.

Funny how that happens.

I missed watering my flowers on Monday night and then gave them a good drink last night.

Well they are well watered now.

Some of my flowers and plants are beginning to fade.

The nights are beginning to cool now.

I suppose it won’t be too long before I need to prepare for the next season.

Will check the long range forecast for frost.

I will leave everything as long as possible.

As long as the flowers are blooming I like to leave them and sometimes near the end they are beginning to look a bit less than perfection.

 

W for Wind.

Man oh man, have we been experiencing a lot of wind these days.

Seems like every year Edmonton gets more and more wind.

A nice breeze is fine but gale force is not.

Alvin and I have almost blown away on some of our walks and then sometimes we just stay home.

 

This is one of those mornings where for some reason I do not have a lot to say.

Fancy that.

Usually I start and don’t have time to write everything that I am thinking.

I almost never plan what I am going to write ahead of time.

Just sit down and start typing the things that come to my mind.

Sometimes they are silly and sometimes very serious.

 

I want to extend our sympathies to our neighbours on the passing of their beloved fur baby “Capone.”

He was a big guy and so sweet.

I remember when he was a puppy.

My how time flies.

We have lost so many of our fur baby friends and family this year.

Abi (Alvin’s girlfriend), Casey (long time family friend), and now Capone and our Mabel who was my brother and family’s girl.

Rest in Peace my darlings.

We shall miss you forever and keep you forever in our hearts and minds.

 

With kindness and respect for all,

I/We shall remain,

As Always, Carol & Alvin

 

 

 

Thought for the day ….

Good Morning and Welcome to Friday the 27th day of October, 2017.

Another gorgeous day on the way and even warmer tomorrow.

Happy Birthday to my friend “S” ….. she lives in Ontario.

We go back many years and have many stories.

Have a great day my friend.

 

Looks like me and the Alvin are puppy sitting Master Teddy tomorrow.

He is such a lively little guy.

Certainly will be a busy fun day.

 

I was considering giving Mr. Alvin a hair cut and bath but may rethink that …. not sure.

We will see how things go.

 

I hope that wherever you are and whatever you are doing that today is a great day for you.

Filled with hope, love, much laughter and fulfillment of a dream or two.

Be kind and considerate and also filled with generosity.

No matter who or what comes your way.

Today is the door that separates us from yesterday, and the window with glimmers of tomorrow.

 

Happy Friday Everyone.

Special Hello to:  my sister, oh my goodness seems like forever since I spoke to you.  We have to SKYPE soon.

Always, Carol & Alvin

 

Story Line by Line – November 30, 2013

Chapter Four:

November 1, 2013

Oh, how I loved that dress, and my mind flashes back to the junior high school dance where I first wore that beautiful pink and then I see my favourite books floating in mid air and my best friend “Dee” is there.

November 2, 2013

Alvin is staying very close as we begin to take in this enormous space, and our nervous energies feed each other, and I think of Alice in Wonderland, and  what shall our next move be as a bright purple balloon drifts by.

November 3, 2013

It is absolutely amazing the dress, my friend, balloons, family, old boyfriends, my house, Christmas, all of the things that I have loved during my life are appearing as Alvin and I make our way through it all.

November 4, 2013

I realize throughout all of the memories that my “four” are no longer walking with us and have disappeared.

November 5, 2013

“Where did they go?” I mutter aloud as if I half expect Alvin to answer and yet I know that we are “down the rabbit hole and things are about to get very interesting.”

November 6, 2013

What do I do – what can I do – nothing makes any sense – why would they do this – am I a guinea pig of sorts – are they watching us – who are they – are the questions that flood my mind as we just walk not knowing what will happen next.

November 7, 2013

As we walk further into this new world, I begin to notice that we in fact are not alone.

November 8, 2013

I do not see anyone but I can feel “eyes” watching us as we go deeper into this place, and then out of no where the thought of “YOU ARE NOT ALONE” comes to my mind; like something out of a movie.

November 9, 2013

Carefully I look about not wanting to miss a single thing, and carefully monitoring my thoughts with hopes that I can find out my location without disturbing my “hosts” when in the distance I see a dim light.

November 10, 2013

As I approach the location of the light it becomes brighter and brighter with only about 50 footsteps away I can begin to see what lies ahead of us.

November 11, 2013

Could I ever have imagined this in my wildest dreams, I think not, as the images begin to sharpen and come into focus.

November 12, 2013

I stop, we stop, and I rub my eyes in disbelief as I look ahead and see what appears to be a glass wall with images of ….. ME.

November 13, 2013

There, only a few feet in front of us are ME at different ages, different stages of my life with some I recognize, and other versions are new to me.

November 14, 2013

I am shaking in disbelief and wonder at what is ahead of me; am I dreaming?

November 15, 2013

Alvin has been quiet for awhile just sniffing around the space when suddenly he yanks hard on the leash pulling me off balance knocking me to the ground.

 November 16, 2013

As I lay there collecting my senses, Alvin rushes back to me tail wagging and licks my face; I giggle, looking up completely stunned, I see myself.

November 17, 2013

Wow, is that really me I think to myself and then utter a soft “Hello”  as the other “me” smiles back at me…… 

November 18, 2013

“Please tell me where I am,”  I say to her, and as I utter the words, she tells me without speaking that I am wherever I want to be.

November 19, 2013

Okay, I think let me give this a try as my mind unleashes the imagination that has been locked up as of late and before I could say anything we are curled up on a oversized leather sofa in front of a fireplace looking out of an enormous window to a breathtaking view of the mountains which are covered with snow; my heart leaps with excitement.

November 20, 2013

I had this dream when I won the lottery, and our family spent Christmas in this huge log cabin celebrating and being together it was amazing … oh, I feel so good.

 November 21, 2013

Happiness, I feel an overwhelming sense of pure joy as I continue to take in my surroundings but then boom I come to my “senses” and wonder where is everyone?

November 22, 2013

Almost as quickly as that thought occurred  …. out of the corner of my eye I see my nephews James, Henry and Blake walking toward me, and there in front of me is my daughter; “Oh my god” I squeal with delight as I run to her, and squeeze her tight.

November 23, 2013

 “I have missed you, my darling” I whisper in my daughter’s ear and she says “Me, too Mom.” and as I stand back to take this all in – Alvin jumps up on his “sister.”

November 24, 2013

Alvin gives her a kiss as she leans over to him; “this seems real, isn’t it,”  I think to myself as I watch in silence.

November 25, 2013

As Alvin and I both relax and bask in these moments of such serenity and peace; I am so grateful for this time whether it is real or not, and I will find out where this place is….

November 26, 2013

My mind seems to go to the oddest of places but then again why wouldn’t it with all that has happened to us and when will it end?

November 27, 2013

I have no answers, and I seem to be feeling more and more confused as I try seemingly in vain to figure out how to get home, or am I home and just having a bad dream?

November 28, 2013

Just as I am thinking of dreams there appears in front of us a huge bed covered with the fluffiest white blanket and pillows; it is then that I realize for as long as this journey has taken us we have not slept and I am tired, so must Alvin be,  and we shall sleep.

November 29, 2013

Alvin seems to be thinking the same as me, for just as I am about to bend over and pick him up  …. he takes a step back and jumps up onto the bed …. he walks over to the pillows and lays down …  I pull the blankets back and pull him close to me……. we snuggle underneath the blankets …… my eyes suddenly become so heavy as sleep overtakes my fatigued body.

November 30, 2013

Mm, this feels so wonderful …… I am so relaxed…… there is a warmness that touches every part of my body and I feel like I am floating on a cloud …..  wishing this would last forever ….