The Next Chapter

Morning, not sure if I when I can say “Good Morning” or good really anything. It is light outside. Spring is coming. A time of birth and renewal but for me it feels anything but. My mind just keeps replaying Alvin’s last week over and over and over again. I hold his little Teddy Bear close to my heart and I cover myself with his blue blanket to try and find some comfort but there is no comfort in death. I feel so lost and so alone without him. I wished that I had done so many things differently. Why didn’t I? Where was my brain? I was so stupid that last week. I knew better. I never wanted to hurt my little buddy. I love, loved him so much. There are moments throughout the day when I busy myself with something and then the guilt, the loss, comes tumbling back again and the tears burn my eyes and stain my face. I long to lay beside him and hear his breathing, his little snores. I listen to the videos of him opening gifts, playing with toys and at least for a moment there is some relief. He was happy then.

Tomorrow is back to work. Perhaps that will be a good thing, I have no idea. There is so much going on there and I feel that I passed on all the anxiety that my job has given me over the last days, months and perhaps even years to Alvin. We forget how sensitive they are to our feelings and why are we not the same in return. I do know in my heart that we had many, many good years together and I am reminded of that by family and friends and photos and memories. If I could just forgive myself for the last week or last few days of his life but I do not want to be reprieved from mistakes that I made. How can I when he was depending on me for his very life. He did not ask for much, really only food and love. To be treated with kindness and respect.

I walked over to the Shoppers Drugmart in our neighbourhood to pick up a bus pass for March. A seniors one, that is hard to believe as I will need that for work for a bit before my coworker is back working in the same office as me. Afterwards I went to Save-On, when I picked up some bananas, I could see Alvin in my mind, standing beside me, wanting a little taste of one of his favourite foods on the planet. I only wished that I had, had some bananas in the house that last week. There are so many if’s flying around my brain, slamming into each other. The air was warm on the walk and it would have been a fine time for us to be out and about enjoying the sunshine. I miss my walks with him.

I am going to make some coffee and then try and get some photos moved from my old computer to the external hard drive while I still can. Each day that computer gets another day older. With the age – I am unable to transfer them all at once so a few hundred at a time. Then it will be figuring out which are which after. So much work when technology gets old.

Continuing to try and live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus, possibilities, coffee and I need to add forgiveness although I am not sure if that is in the cards for me.

Always, Carol & Alvin, my forever Angel.

The Next Chapter

Today I am writing two posts. I wanted to write a special one just to Alvin as today is one week since he passed. The sun is shining and the temperatures are rising as I write these words. The house is empty as I listen to the furnace running keeping me warm and the click clack of my fingers on the keyboard. Time just keeps going. Every day since Alvin passed people have reached out to me. There is such love for my little four-legged companion. Many tears have been shed between us all and continue to fall. Forever in our hearts.

Thank you Gillian for popping by over your lunch break to bring a “lemon loaf” and for having coffee with me and just chatting. I appreciate your friendship and support.

Thank you Sara, Carson and Family for the lovely bouquet of flowers and to Sara for stopping by. Alvin would have loved all of the flowers as he always wanted to sniff them whether in the house or outside. He loved when it was springtime and I would be on the deck planting the flower pots.

Last night I was invited to friends Norbert & Irene for a visit. We talked and talked. About Alvin and about the loss of their son last year. So much hurt and so much joy. Irene and I even had several games of Connect Four. I did not win but that was okay. I joked that I was a good loser but in reality win or lose, I actually won to have such amazing people in my life. They sent me home with a gift of chocolate and a beautiful card. I do love chocolate.

Yesterday I always walked over to Alvin’s Doctors, to the clinic where he seemed to be on a very regular basis. I had some unopened items from the last week that I was able to return. Thank you to Brenne for your hugs and for loving Alvin. To Dr. Karen who was just about to go into surgery and could only give an air hug but for your kindness and your love for Alvin. To Michelle, whom I did not see as she was in the back with another beloved boy or girl, thank you for being there for Alvin and for loving my boy. They were family and I appreciate them.

Later in the day I had a conversation with Alvin’s Doctor Zhou from Guardian who answered some questions I had, lessening some of the guilt that I feel. They are so good at Guardian. Not only professional but have such hearts. Such a hard job but so rewarding.

The outpouring of love for my Alvin is real and I am so appreciative. Everyone is telling me stories about him and how much he touched their lives.

I need to get moving. A walk to Shoppers to pick up a Seniors Bus pass (cannot believe that I am a senior) and a few items from the grocery store. Good to get some fresh air. Alvin will be with me as he always is …….

My whole house reminds me of him and will continue to keep him in the forefront of my mind and he will always be in the majority of the real estate in my heart.

Thank you to my daughter and son-in-law for all they do and for their love and support each and every day.

Continuing to live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus, possibilities and coffee.

Always, Carol & Alvin, my forever Angel.

Last Half 2022 – September

Good Morning ALL! What a first few days of FALL we are having here in Edmonton on our street. I hope that you are doing great on this bright sunny Saturday morning. Yesterday at the office, I was there. I caught a ride with one of my coworkers and we have a plan to carpool for our future rides to the office. After work my daughter picked me up, we stopped at the store and then home. Mr. Alvin was well looked after as my neighbor Sonja had popped in several times during the day ensuring he was fed, watered and went outside. She even gave him supper so that I could go to the store on my way home from work. I am beyond grateful to her for always helping us. She takes such good care of Mr. Alvin. Oh, and a pleasant surprise from my daughter when she announced that she may sleepover and she did! So great waking up with that human in the house.

When we arrived home from the store and as we were bringing the groceries and things in from the car one of our friends Ali and her pup Bailey were walking by on the opposite side of the street. Bailey spotted us and immediately started to squeal. I motioned for them to come over and as we brought things into the house – we had a visit. We love our Bailey and she gives some of the best kisses. Another gal was walking her dogs Eddy and Bruno who are labs and big but friendly. Bailey got excited again. She has just got to know them and loves the boys. Then they were all gone and we started to put things away.

We decided to pick up something from the store for supper, something already cooked from the deli. So supper was sushi and potato wedges and for dessert, Saskatoon ice-cream. A very unlikely combination I will admit but good all the same. That is what happens when you pick up food from the grocery stores.

After supper we got ready to go for a walk. Other neighbours were out walking and had just picked up their mail so we chatted with them as we walked. We did not even get to their house and Mr. Alvin stopped and turned around heading for home. I tried to change his mind but he wanted to go home. We were not home very long and it started to rain. There had been some clouds in the sky but nothing in the forecast. Perhaps he could tell something was coming. Oh, our weather forecaster Mr. Alvin.

For the evening we decided to watch a movie and watched “LIGHTYEAR” and oh my goodness, if you have not seen it, you must. It had a bit of everything, good storyline, great characters, love story, heroes, sad, happy, incredibly funny and more. Highly recommend it.

Well time to get the coffee on as we both are coffee drinkers.

Amanda is going to stay and help me with a few tasks before heading out. She is planning to go to COSTCO, yup, COSTCO on a Saturday. She needs gas so she will decide when she gets there whether it is worth going into the store, too.

I hope that you have a great day. I am over the moon happy ……

So great to have my girl here. Mr. Alvin opened the door to her room this morning at 3:00 a.m., I guess just checking to make sure she was still here. He loves her so much. They love each other.

Continuing to live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus, possibilities and coffee.

Always, Carol, Alvin and Amanda.

The New YEAR 2022

Good Morning ALL! How are you this morning? I am great now. Just had a refreshing shower and it always amazes me on what a difference water hitting your skin can make. I was debating taking the day off as I had a bit of a headache and just feeling not so, no so. Mainly because of the getting up and down multiple times during the night with a little four-legged guy who shall remain nameless, lol. Anyway I feel much better now. The sky is that brilliant blue and the sun is now shining. We had a great walk at noon with partially cloudy skies. By the time that I was finished work for the day, the sky had really clouded over. There was an in between time after supper where the sky cleared. Later in the evening the sky filled with these scary black clouds with orange in them. Likely due to the sun going down around the same time. I feared that we were going to get a terrible storm but luckily just a light show with sound and some rain. The grass is a more brilliant kelly green this morning. I love GREEN. Did I say that, yes I do. My favourite colour. The colour of life, I would say. I am grateful that neither Alvin or I are afraid of storms. He is such a trooper. In fact, when we were going out for his last pee before bed, he wanted to stay out and sniff about in the backyard despite the roaring thunder and lightning in the distance.

So today is Thursday. Oh, after work, I had planned to walk to the store. Just as I was getting ready, I noticed Alvin walked to the living window and was looking out. I saw why, Sonja had just got home from work. I saw here taking some items into the house and decided to ask if she was just going out to golf and if so, could she drop me at the grocery store as I wasn’t sure if I could get there and home without being rained on. Not that I mind getting wet. What a day. One minute clear blue skies and the next minute deep rain clouds. Anyway, Sonja loaned me her car so that I could run to the grocery store for a few items. I think I made it home in under 30 minutes. I did not need much and there were not many people in the store. Nice to get out on my own for a few minutes.

Not an exciting Wednesday night but it was a good evening.

After 19 seasons ELLEN is saying goodbye and hanging up her talk show cap. I love watching her show. I did not see every episode but I have watched a great many of them over the years. She can make you laugh right down to the core. Has the biggest heart and just a good all round person. Alvin and I want to wish her all the best in her next chapter. She will go on to do great things. I cannot wait to see and hear about what she does. This has been a heartfelt week of shows.

Okay, time to head downstairs and plug in the coffee. I am going to try a new blend. I bought from a co-worker doing a fundraiser for one of her children. I will let you know the name and how it taste tomorrow.

Have an awesome Thursday.

Enjoy …..

Continuing to live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus and possibilities.

Always, Carol & Alvin

P.S. I just thought of something – a thunderstorm with lightning and rain – is Mother Nature’s “Concert”. Is she ever talented.

The New YEAR 2022

Good Morning ALL! What a nice surprise to wake up to SUNSHINE. I thought we were supposed to have the opposite. I will take this in a heartbeat. Now I can go out and pick up trash in the “HOOD.” I slept in a bit later than I wanted but still pretty early so I am just doing a few things like having coffee and eating breakfast and then I am on my way to clean up our neighbourhood. At least as much as I can do today. I have decided to take one bag at a time. Too hard to carry multiple bags for blocks and blocks although it can be quite the workout. I am excited to clean up the crap that I have been seeing on our walks. Although I do pick up the odd thing when I am walking with Alvin. It is hard to walk with him and pick up trash. Besides kind of ruins the walks if I am doing both. Could you see me with Alvin on his leash in one hand, his water bottle, a garbage pack and trash picker in the other. OMG. Not happening. Besides if I get out earlier then we can hopefully get a walk in while the sun shines.

So this post will be short. We had two shorter walks yesterday with the second one being after 8:00 pm last night. It was really nice out. Quite enjoyable.

I did go out right after work and pick up groceries. Thanks for my neighbour for lending me her car. I am grateful that I get to drive once in awhile. Don’t want to lose my skills, lol. It was nice to escape my “lovely partner in crime and sometimes brat Mr. Alvin” for a little while. Good for him too. I was gone for less than one hour. He was fine. Don’t worry I love him and he is always well provided for …..

It seemed last night in the grocery store that the average price of anything was $7.99. YIKES. I am so grateful that I only have to provide for me and Alvin. Cannot imagine buying groceries for a large family. Even junk food costs a lot of money now.

Okay time to get going here. COFFEE is calling my name and I have to make it first.

Have an awesome day.

Continuing to live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus and possibilities.

Always, Carol & Alvin

The New YEAR 2022

Good Morning ALL! How are you this morning? We are great. Alvin slept till 4:00 and then again till the alarm went off at 6:00. We are up – the boy has been fed – I have put on the coffee – went outside with Alvin and picked up “poop” – did my EVO thing for the office – made bed – brushed teeth – washed and put on makeup – dressed and woke up the girl. Yes, my daughter slept over. So nice to have another human in the house. I think even Alvin slept better. She picked up some groceries for us and food for Alvin from the vet before coming over yesterday late afternoon. I made chicken stir fry and we had a great supper. Dessert was some of Val’s yummy cinnamon buns and biscotti. We watched some television after a brief cleanup. We walked about the trip and I saw her photos and some videos. I think she would have liked more time there as it went very quickly. But they were happy to get home to see their beloved pups “Aspen and Milo.” I hear that Miss Aspen misses her window seat.

Well today is to the office for the day. I have everything all organized for Mr. Alvin. My friend Gillian is coming over during the lunch hour to give me a treat, make sure that he drinks some water, goes pee and has some company. I will turn the television on although it will go into sleep mode after 4 hours. I wonder if there is a way to turn that “mode off.” Nice for him to have some voices or music in the background.

The sky is kind of grey but there does not appear to be a huge wind. Yesterday at noon when we went for a walk, I was eating my hair the whole way. We only walked about halfway. Just too hard to fight the wind but it was nice out, although I did have a light jacket on.

Well I am off to ensure that the boy has a good drink of water and to make sure that I do not forget anything. Have to take the laptop and stuff to work along with lunch, water and coffee and my purse. Lots of things to haul but at least I am not having to carry it to a bus stop.

Have an awesome Tuesday.

Continuing to live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus and possibilities.

Always, Carol, Alvin & Amanda

The New YEAR 2022

Good Morning ALL! Yes, we are up and it is not even 9:00 a.m. How are you on this Saturday at Easter time? We are doing well. The pups are great. Everyone is getting along and we are enjoying our daily walks. Yesterday I was invited to a friend’s house who happens to live a few doors away for supper. She had another friend from the neighbourhood and also a friend that I had not met as yet. We, ladies had a great time. Lots of laughter and even some tears as on the of the girls recently lost her beloved pup. I told you all about Jazmin. I think it was April 6th when she passed so not very long ago. We started with a glass of champagne before supper followed by dessert followed by a fruity alcoholic drink, Easter Chocolate and coffee. It was so great not having to cook for myself. One of the few hiccups of living on your own. We had a skift of snow sometime between 6:00 and 8:00 a.m. Aspen has one more pill to go and then she is done. What a good girl she is – just happily chewing on that big tablet. Milo has to be wherever I am and so does Mr. Alvin so they are upstairs with me as I type this post. Aspen, well she is in her new favourite spot which is the green armchair by the living room window. It really isn’t big enough for her but she manages to curl up. My brown armchair opposite the green chair is considerably but she has made the green one hers despite my attempts at coaxing her. Well later this morning I am going with one of the neighbours from last night to the grocery store to pick up a few items. Then home to take the pups for a walk and finish laundry. After this post down to the basement and get the laundry started.

I tried to post photos yesterday but they are “exceed size” whatever that means, I know what it means, but to fix them so I can post them, I have not figured that out yet. I also realized that I have too many photos in my “library” so I had to delete some of them which will free up space. I will keep trying to post some photos.

Meanwhile, life goes on. Me, Alvin, Aspen and Mi-Mi are doing great. The pups although I know they miss their Mom & Dad seem to be doing great. Not a lot of barking happening which is nice. Every once in awhile “the dog” goes by that sets Miss Aspen to let out a loud bark which startles me. She has a very deep voice. But oh how she listens. I appreciate that she listens and even Mi-Mi listens but as I joked last night not so much Mr. Alvin. I guess he is truly spoiled and at over 13 years old he is not going to change. He is not so bad. I am blessed to have the three of them here this week. Together.

I received word (text) from the kids and they are enjoying their trip. Get this Vegas is a balmy “+21” degrees celsius and her it is below 0 celsius. Jealous, not me, lol. It is supposed to be +12 here tomorrow or Monday. It is warming up.

Well time to head downstairs and get the laundry going. The coffee is perked.

Have a wonderful Saturday. It is Saturday right! Oh my goodness, yes, yesterday was Good Friday. Wow, the days seem to all be the same. Hopefully I remember which day it is so I start to work on time. Oh well, I’m sure I will figure it out.

Continuing to live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus and possibilities.

Always, Carol & Alvin & Aspen and Milo (Mi-Mi)

The New YEAR 2022

Good Morning ALL! Welcome to Wednesday, March 9, 2022. How are you today? Alvin and I are well. Running on time for a welcome change. The sky is filled with a mix of ribbons of clouds in dark blue and orange. So pretty. Honestly I could sit by the window or lay on the ground and just gaze upon the majesty of the sky all day long. The night is lifting and it is light outside at this time. On this coming weekend not only does my beautiful daughter celebrate her birthday but the time changes. We move our clocks forward in the early hours of Sunday, March 13, 2022. So one hour ahead. Usually the time changes take us at least a couple of weeks to adjust.

Yesterday after work my daughter delivered our Costco order. It was good to catch up with her before she headed home after a long busy day at the office. Her job is very busy. So she is always happy to go home.

We had a bit of snow last night but only a little. The next couple of days are going to be colder than normal for this time of year. Spring is just around the corner. Easter is later than usual.

I am sending as much good energy and thoughts as possible to the people of Ukraine and of Russia. Not everyone in Russia is wanting to be fighting a war. We want this over soon before any more loss of life and property. Always the rebuilding is difficult afterwards. People losing family and homes and businesses. We always forget about the animals and the environment when there is a war. I am grateful that there are counties including Canada that are taking in the Ukraine people that are able to flee their homeland. In 2022, it is very sad that this is happening. There are no words. It is like history repeating itself. I think that future generations will read our history books and shake their heads in disbelief.

On this Wednesday I am grateful that I live in a country where even though not all people are happy with our Prime Minister at least he is not a person wanting to take over the neighbouring country no matter the consequences. We should think about that. We are so blessed in so many ways. We have so much.

Continuing to live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus and possibilities.

Always, Carol & Alvin

The New YEAR 2022

Good Morning ALL! I hope that you are doing well this Tuesday morning. Alvin and I had a fair sleep, I will say. We are always up and down and it is just a fact of our lives. Enough said. The morning sky is light with a few blue clouds dotting the horizon as the sun tries to peer through. Winter morning in Edmonton. I saw a couple of snowflakes earlier when I was outside with Alvin. I hope for bright blue skies and calmness. Yesterday we had pretty much gale force winds all day. We put on our outer gear and headed out for a lunch break walk but came to a direct halt a few houses down from ours. We came across a massive sheet of ice covering the sidewalk and had to turn around and come back home. Thankfully we had some fresh air. I have been doing some yoga exercises daily and of course we are up and down the stairs all day long with my office being on the second floor. So we are getting some exercise to help battle the lack of movement, the shortness of walks. I think that walking is one of my most favourite things in the world to do. I could literally walk until I couldn’t walk any more.

So it is Tuesday and today is the INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY 2022. Personally we should celebrate each and every day of our lives. Every person on this planet should be celebrated. Now we do not know everyone but that doesn’t mean that they are not important. We are all important to our families, to our friends, to our neighbours, to our jobs, to our schools, and to our homes. Today I celebrate that we are celebrating. So let us celebrate today! Celebrate what we have learned and what we are learning. Celebrate that we have come this far and that we have a long way to go. Celebrate each other! Celebrate the kindness, the respect, the compassion and the understanding. Happy Tuesday and International Women’s Day 2022.

I am most grateful to be have lived yesterday, am living today and hope to be living tomorrow. There is so much to do and to do learn.

My daughter is bringing our groceries after work. I am grateful that I will have some time with her. Let us celebrate our daughters today. My daughter is the most kind, respectful, gracious, gentle, intelligent, patient, loving and compassionate woman I know. I am grateful that she is in my life and I learn from her daily.

Continuing to live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus and possibilities.

Always, Carol & Alvin

The New YEAR 2022

Good Morning ALL! How are you this Sunday morning? Alvin and I are well. I guess that I really cannot drink coffee any longer later in the day because I was awake for hours after we went to bed or at least it felt like it.

Funny or strange story. So we were up at a reasonable time for a Sunday. I put on the coffee and went to clean up the early morning – middle of the night poop from the snow bank on the deck then came upstairs turning on the computer for it to start up while I made the bed. When I came back to start this post, I found that the screen was GRAY, I thought, now what. I did not get too bent out of shape. At first I did think that my computer had “died.” Grabbing my phone I googled “gray screen when starting up a MAC” and it came back with a list of things to do. Most of which I had no idea of what they meant. I would have google the suggestions. Anyway, I decided to turn it off and then went to brush my teeth, wash up and get dressed. When I came back I turned the power button on again and voile the computer was on and you will never guess what was displayed on the middle of the screen over top of the screensaver? You will never guess in a million years. I was dumbfounded. Big time. There was a long statement about MONEY. Money is magnetic energy. You are a magnet attracting to you all things, via the signal you are emitting through your thoughts and feelings. To become a power money magnet: and then it listed a bunch of things to do. How did the Universe know that I was thinking about money, actually the highlight of my thoughts last night was the “lack of money.” Perhaps it was more about the money aspect in my current situation than the coffee that kept me up last night. When I read the words, I could not believe that it. I think that the Universe was telling me that I need to change my focus, change my thoughts and definitely change my feelings. Does not get anymore clear than that. Really. Of all the things that would come up on my screen after the computer would not start, it is eerie and strange but comforting and wonderful. I am grateful for all that I have, truly I am. I have a beautiful house, I am in good health, I have wonderful family and friends, I have a pup who keeps me company and on my toes, I have a job and can work from home to be with him, I have so much in so many ways. So time once again to change my thoughts and feelings about money. Yesterday and for the past little while I have been concentrating more on the lack of than all that I have. Time to clean up my thoughts and feelings. Right! I am so excited. What a blessed way to start the day and who would have thought it all happened because my computer would not start, the GRAY screen – ended up being a GREEN screen. Wow, there are no words right now to explain how I am feeling. Alvin is quiet because he knows.

Yesterday was a busy day. I did laundry. We actually went for a bit of a walk as it was so warm out. We got as far as one of our friends houses and saw her across the street picking up her mail, she crossed back and we chatted as she walked to her house. She invited us in and we ended up having coffee together, Alvin had a couple of treats and we saw her dog, Jaz. Jaz is 17 years old now I believe. She is deaf and going blind and has a heart condition but otherwise does pretty good. I don’t think that Alvin is old at 13. Anyway, we had a good catch up and then were on our way. We walked across the street and up the street going north where the sidewalks were pretty dry and did a quick walk before picking up the mail and going home. I actually had mail – my home insurance policy. I was a little nervous about opening it as one of my friends had mentioned that hers had gone up considerably and that was all that I needed was one more increase to my monthly budget. When I opened it up and did the math, I found that while it had increased, it was not quite $20 per month. It is still an increase but not too much considering. It would be wonderful if our income increased with all of the other increases. It will. I also saw two other neighbours while we were out and about. It was wonderful. People were out chipping away at the monstrous amount of ice that we have out front of our homes. I have some but not as bad as it was.

I was figuring out how much money I had for groceries when I saw that my friend had texted saying that she was going to COSTCO and did I want to go or give her my list? I had to recalculate my budget because of course, the home insurance increased payment was coming out at the end of February. We texted a couple of times before she called me. I ended up going to COSTCO which was great. It was nice to get out and have a little visit with another friend. We have fruit and veg again. I was down to a few pieces of chopped up carrots, a few grapes and two oranges. When my fridge is full, I really do feel rich.

Last night I hostessed another Fifth Avenue Collection Jewelry online party. My friend that sells FAC does all the work actually as she does the LIVE on Facebook. This time because we lost track of when the party was supposed to be, she did one LIVE for two hours. Kind of a nice change from the weekend long party with three LIVES of about one hour each. I was happy to have a few people join me. So much beautiful jewelry. I have so much but I love it all.

Well time to get this day going. Changing my mantra, writing up a cheque to myself for the money that I would like to have. I am rich. I am wealthy. I love money. Money comes to me easily and effortlessly.

I hope that you have a wonderful Sunday. Time to go and have that first cup of coffee as my coffee has perked. I am going to give Mr. Alvin a haircut and bath this afternoon. Tomorrow will do a bit of cleaning and then Tuesday back to work.

Continuing to live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, gratitude, understanding, focus, possibilities with all the money that we need and want.

Always, Carol & Alvin