Thought for the day or perhaps a revelation ….

Good Morning and Welcome to Monday the 5th day of September, 2016.

Perhaps by now some of you may have noticed that I have not written on this blog since the last day of August.

My daughter noticed that I had not written on my blog for the first couple of days and asked if something was wrong?

I told her no.

But that was not one hundred percent accurate.

There are times in one’s life when the mere gravity of words and actions by those around you just makes you feel incompetent and makes you question

the things you do.

I am not saying it was a huge matter but it was enough to give me cause to pause.

Sometimes you just need to take a step back in order to go forward.

Or at the very least stop doing some of the things that you always do, and reflect.

Or sometimes it is just something you need to do for you.

It can be just as simple as that.

I just knew that I had to take a break, and that there was no way of explaining this to you.

I do apologize for that.

 

I had questions.

Was I really doing something that I truly loved or just doing something because I had been telling myself, and others for several decades

that “I am a writer.”

But was I?

Am I?

 

For as long as I can remember I loved books, I loved words. I loved the sounds of words.

They could take you near or far.

In my case it was the far that appealed to me the most.

I could imagine a new life, a different life.

I loved to read.

I loved to write.

Or perhaps it was the mere essence of the feeling that I got at the end of it all.

I do not know.

But questioning things ….. that is where I am at.

Can I write?

Sure I can.

But am I good enough that is another question.

Good enough compared to who, to what?

I had wanted to be a published author but at fifty-nine that honour still eludes me.

Perhaps there is a part of me that believes that I am not really good enough or smart enough to go the distance.

Short term projects; I can do and have done.

So this is part of the dilemma.

The other of the self-doubt is that I feel that I have worked very hard my whole life and somehow I feel unaccomplished.

But why?

Really, I should not.

I left my home of thirty years to start over in a new place.

I finally in my 50’s was able to buy my first house, and yes I have a mortgage.

After a lifetime of work I took a couple of years off for a mini retirement.

After which I found a job ( into my 50’s which is not easy these days ).

I adopted my first dog when in my 50’s.

I have made many many life choices and changes after the age of 50.

But perhaps the biggest thing of all is the fact that back home many of my friends are now settling into retirement or at least close.

Life is full of choices and we do the best that we can.

This was and is my choice for good or bad.

But sometimes we just would like things to have gone a different way.

 

I have tried to remain positive but sometimes that is just impossible.

So it is a combination of writing and life choices that brings me to this point.

I will continue to write not because I have to but because I want to.

 

Perhaps this does not truly or in full explain what is really in my heart but it will give you an idea of where I am at …..

Alvin in his cuteness, well he is Alvin and he just looks at me as if to say “Come on snap out of it.”

I say to him, “Yes dear one, I shall.”

 

Thank you for making the choice to read my blog.

I am so thankful for you.

Life evolves …..

 

Special Hello to: YOU

Always, Carol and Alvin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thought for the day….

What a wonderful morning.

The sun is shining and it is warm.

I feel great.

I want to share the love that it is in my heart with all of you.

Wherever you are ……… know that you are loved.

Feel the love …..

Have a blessed wonderful day.

Always, Carol

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