The New Chapter

Good Morning. Monday morning and the official first day of SPRING. Oh, how I long for dry ice free sidewalks and streets. A reminder of life.

Today is also the birthday of Alvin’s Best Friend Teddy. He reminds me of Alvin. They were truly best friends and on our last walk, Alvin wanted to go to see his friend. Wishing our Teddy a very Happy 10th Birthday.

Teddy, Alvin’s Best Friend

BFs together

BF Teddy

BF Teddy

The boys

Alvin & his BF Teddy

Yesterday I wrote this poem about saying goodbye. This post is reflective of how I am feeling both joy and overwhelming sadness.

Saying Goodbye!

No one knows what is coming

There is no way to prepare for that moment

We all know in our hearts that life does not last forever

But we are never prepared !

When that day comes

The blueness and emptiness we feel in our hearts

Weighs down our spirit

The loss is unbearable

The guilt weighs heavily on us.

Nothing will ever be the same again,

More change, how much can a heart take!

The pieces smashing down upon the floor.

Breaking everywhere.

Photos and videos remind us of what was

What will never be again

Life goes on, it must.

We cry at night and weep behind closed doors.

But the memories bring us up

Hard as it is,

Tears will fall, they will dry.

But the memories will remain.

Stories of who they were,

The start and the end and every moment in between.

How they touched our hearts

How they brought so much to our life

How we will remember.

How they reached our soul, in epic proportion.

How they brought so much joy.

The laughter and the tears.

How each memory will be carried in our hearts and minds forever,

For an eternity ……. they will live on ……..

Written by CYLewis on Sunday, March 19, 2023.

My heart is broken with the loss of my beloved Alvin.

*************************

Remember to tell your village, your family, your friends that you love them, that you care and always do whatever you can to be present in their lives. We never know when things will change.

Continuing to live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus, possibilities, coffee and forgiveness.

Always, Carol & Alvin (My Forever Angel)

The Next Chapter

Morning. The sun was coming up when I first started to read this post. I decided to read back over the last couple of months regarding Alvin. The sun is now shining and the sky is a pretty blue. The temperature is supposed to be warming up and I am grateful. I cannot believe that my darling Alvin has been gone for almost one week. My heart is broken. There are no words and I know that I cannot change the ending of our story and it sucks. I miss him so much. The house is empty without him.

Yesterday afternoon a friend and neighbour came over with a beautiful plant arrangement and cards. Crystal loved Alvin and when I had texted them on Saturday, her husband gave her the news. She as am I are in disbelief. How can our beloved Alvin be gone? Really, how did this happen? We should be snuggling on the sofa and I should be having a conversation with him. Crystal has had to say goodbye to two beloved dogs over the years and I remember her last Daisy. She was a dolly and Alvin loved her. They used to play in the grass. I wished that I had photos of them together but I do not. I also forgot to add Miss Daisy to the list of Angels. He has company. She adopted Stella shortly after Daisy passed as the hurt was too great and then a couple of years later adopted Issy. My friend said that you will have always guilt and wondering why? Crystal is also a Nurse and said that most Vets as well as Doctors seems to treat the symptoms instead of investigating to see why there are problems in the first place. That was this case. By the time tests were actually done, he was in a bad place. I should have pushed earlier. That is something I will regret for the rest of my life. They are our responsibility and I clearly let him down. I was his voice and his protector and I did not. I keep going over everything in my head. Nothing I say or do or think at this point will bring him back, I so wished that it would. All that I can do from this point, is try to breathe and live this life which has been shattered. I am not looking forward to going back to work. But I suppose the drama of that place will give me a different focus for those hours.

I am trying to keep the good memories in the fore front of my brain, of my mind but perhaps it is too soon for that ….. I do not know. My life was touched by the best “heart” ever to be born on this planet. Alvin was the best. He was sweet, kind, stubborn, loving, cuddly, smart, funny and so much more. I was truly blessed to have had him in my life ….. I did not ask for him but he found me and that was a miracle. He was my miracle. Alvin you blessed my life with your presence. I shall miss you and there is a canyon of a hole in my heart that will never heal. I do not want it to heal as it will keep you real.

Trying to remember to live this life with kindness, respect, compassion, patience, love, laughter, understanding, gratitude, focus, possibilities and coffee.

Always, Carol & Alvin, my forever Angel.

Thought for the day ….

Good Morning and Welcome to Thursday the 5th day of July, 2018.

Well here we are almost the end of the first week in July, 2018.

Two countries – two neighbours have celebrated their “birthdays” within days of each other.

It has been quite the week.

Two countries – two neighbours with quite the history.

Two countries – two neighbours similar but not the same.

Two countries.

 

*******************

 

Yesterday when Alvin and I were on our way home from our walk, I heard a female voice yell “Carol.”

I turned around to see my friend C holding a dog.

We were a few houses away so we turned around and ran back to them.

When we reached them I realized that the dog she was holding was not their dog “Miss Daisy.”

My friend told me that “they had lost Daisy, she had passed just a week ago.”

We hugged and tears were shed.

Alvin and this new black&white dog were sniffing each other and all was well.

The puppy was friendly and full of energy.

Daisy had been sick, diagnosed with kidney disease a few months ago.

There had been signs before the diagnosis.

But even at that point it was too late.

 

The new dog.

 

If you have never believed in a higher power or something more than ourselves, you will now.

My friend, her husband and sons  were devastated by the loss of Daisy.

My friend had told her husband that the next dog that joined their family would have to be named Stella.

My friend was not ready for a new dog with the recent loss of their beloved Daisy.

They had Daisy since she was a few weeks old.

She was the love of their lives.

Daisy was this lovable, easygoing, playful dog.

Alvin loved her and I loved her and most of all her family loved her.

 

They had noticed this dog on KIJI by accident, and I cannot remember the breed.

Reminded them of Daisy but she was black and white, mostly black.

Just on an whim she packed up her middle son and went to meet this puppy.

Thinking all the time that this was too soon after losing their beloved Daisy.

Her middle son is the most rambunctious so this new dog would have to meet his energy.

When they arrived to meet the dog – the owner said that the pup’s name was STELLA.

My friend broke into tears.

It was a sign … what are the chances that the dog would be named STELLA.

Daisy directed them to this pup named STELLA.

So we shall say that is that ….

Stella has a new home.

Stella will be loved and have the best family.

Stella is a herder by nature and with three boys …. talk about perfect fit.

Daisy made sure that her family will be looked after, now that she is gone.

Gone but never forgotten.

We will always remember Miss Daisy.

 

Special Hello to: my sister, hello my darling.

Always, Carol & Alvin

 

 

Thought for the day …..

Good Morning and Welcome to Wednesday the 4th day of May, 2016.

This morning my thoughts are to a city several hours north of Edmonton.

Fort MacMurray.

They are in the midst of wildfires that are engulfing their homes, businesses, schools, almost everything.

In the later afternoon we watched on television and social media the long winding lines of cars, trucks and motorhomes leaving the city.

The line was long and slow as the city was evacuated.

Tears filled our eyes.

I do not know at this time how many homes were lost.

I do not know for certain that there has been no loss of human life or beloved pets.

I do know for certain that the loss of wildlife is huge …. there are no words.

There is no place for them to go.

They cannot outrun the walls of flames that seem to almost reach the sky.

I am almost afraid to check the news to see as last night the wind had increased in it’s strength.

So today I would ask you to keep our fellow Albertans in your thoughts and prayers.

When the call comes for assistance I know that people will rally to help with the fires and lives.

Later with the rebuilding of homes and businesses and the city.

My heart is broken today.

Take care everyone.

Special Hello to: citizens of Fort MacMurray, Alberta ….. you are in our thoughts.

Always, Carol and Alvin

Thought for the day…..

Good Morning and Welcome to Tuesday the 25th day of February, 2014.

WOW, almost the end of yet another month.

One month closer to spring and I am extremely happy for that …..

 

This morning when I was having a shower – I moved the shower curtain to see Mr. Alvin lying on the mat in front of the tub.

Just lying there.

I felt a tear well up in my eyes as I felt so perfectly loved and protected at that very moment.

He truly is my “best friend.”

What a cute little guy.

He spent a couple of days with his sister Sunday and Monday (and slept over Sunday night).

When I was finished work and had stopped by to drop off the car – he was up at the window looking out.

My daughter had planned that she would just come out and drive me home (very cold for walking).

I could see him jump off the sofa and I knew he saw me.

He barked that shrill bark of his and it broke my heart.

I felt like I was abandoning him.

He spent the night because the kids were off yesterday and I worked.

Always better for him to have company than not.

When I stopped by at their house after work last night to pick him up ….. he was again up at the window.

Looking out and when he saw me ….. he looked twice and then headed for the door ….. oh, my boy.

But I did feel guilty even though he was in the best hands possible.

The kids always tease me and I know it to be true that Mr. Alvin is truly a “Momma’s Boy.”

He is the son that I never had …..

Well time to zip off to work …..

Just wanted to share that with all of you ….. I think that sometimes people forget just how attached our pets get to us.

I know they are part of our family and after all we are all “animals” …… we just happen to be on two legs instead of four.

They definitely love us unconditionally …..

I wish for this Tuesday that everyone would love and show respect to the their pets and the animals around them.

Special Hello to: all those special pets in the world and my Alvin…. love you buddy….. you are the best.

Always, Carol and “me” Alvin …..

 

 

Story Line by line – December 18, 2013

Chapter Five:

December 1, 2013

As we lay there sleeping wrapped in the big white fluffy blankets, I dream of childhood and Christmas; my favourite time of year, and there was one in particular.

December 2, 2013

When we moved into the new two story house on the farm my bedroom was on the main floor just off of the living room ……. I had a birds eye view of the Christmas tree ….  this one year I wanted to wait and watch for Santa ….. pretending to be asleep …. once  I heard noises figuring it was Santa I waited for him to leave ……  slowly opened the bedroom door and getting down on my hands and knees  crawled out toward the tree ….. only to be stopped dead in my tracks by my Mom’s voice “GET BACK TO BED” ….. I had been so quiet …… 

December 3, 2013

My favourite Christmas was 2005  …..  the log cabin in the mountains …. the clear night sky …… the stars shining so brightly …… the food …… the stone fireplace ….. love and laughter ….. feather comforters …… coffee by the fireplace ….. the best place in the world.

December 4, 2013

Kids singing Christmas Carols …… Grandma playing the organ in church ….. our Charlie Brown Christmas tree …… turkey cooking at Grandma’s house ….. snow falling …… baby crying …… sister smiling …… dog barking ….. opening presents . driving to Grandma and Grandpa’s house ….. the trees out front of their house all light up ….. it is Christmas once again.

December 5, 2013

Oh, how I feel alive and happy …… as each scene plays out ….. there is another one just as wonderful as the last …… people and places ……. my heart is full ……

December 6, 2013

Ah, my great nephew, I remember that day so well …… then skipping years ahead to when Alvin came to live with me …… this movie just seems to go on forever …. I wonder when it will end ….. movie, is it?

December 7, 2013

Movie, what …. am I dreaming …… asleep …… awake …… in a coma …… my mind is swirling and then before me is a crystal clear thought ….. YOU ARE REMEMBERING YOUR LIFE ….. 

December 8, 2013

Truly I am going crazy, please someone help me wake up from this wild dream …. HELP ME, HELP Me …….

December 9, 2013

This whole ordeal has seemed to go on forever ….. I do not know what to do …..  just when I think that I may have an answer ……. it all comes tumbling down …… such as life, I guess but why now ……. or did I just bump my head!

December 10, 2013

“Did I bump my head?” I think to myself as Alvin snuggles in closer to me as if to comfort me in my time of uncertainty.

December 11, 2013

As I lay under the warmest most comfortable blanket ever, I begin to devise a plan – I will get home – somehow – someday I will escape and be free.

December 12, 2013

Home, what a wonderful thought ….. I realize how much I miss my house, the flowers in my yard, my Christmas tree ……. whoa ….. what did I think ….. was it spring, was it summer or winter when this first happened and I realize maybe now for the first time that I have literally no idea how long we have been gone ….. a day, a month, years!!!

December 13, 2013

All of a sudden I hear this small gurgling slightly roaring sound coming from my stomach ….. guess it has been awhile since I ate anything …… Alvin, too must be starving  ….. suddenly a banana, some fresh carrots, a piece of chocolate cake, and a cup of coffee are sitting on a table in front of us….a FEAST.

December 14, 2013

Well no matter if this is real or a figment of my imagination …  we are going to eat  ….. mmm, as I peel the banana Alvin goes crazy as he absolutely loves banana ….. carrots …. we love carrots and for me my favourite habit …. COFFEE.

December 15, 2013

Yes, hot coffee …. it warms my throat as I quickly take a sip and trying to hold onto the taste reminding me of home …. Alvin is happy as we finish the last bite of banana and continues crunching away on the carrots and for this time we have no worries.

December 16, 2013

As we enjoy our treats I cannot help but to think of home ….. what are my friends and family doing ….. who is looking after our house ….. is there snow to shovel or grass to mow … I do not even know what time of year it is ….. oh …..

December 17, 2013

I just feel like crying even though Alvin is here I am all alone …. no one to discuss things with ….. no shoulder to cry on ….. as the tears well up in my eyes the feelings just explode inside my body, and my heart  hurts …. where are they ….. please let us come home …. I just want to go home…… please, help us find our way home……..

December 18, 2013

Through the tears and the feelings of being alone, the despair, and, of not knowing which direction to turn, whether to shout or to continue to cry ….. I feel that warmth once again, and a light although dim begins to shine on me.